The Good Ol’ Days

Alright, darlings, listen up. 

Life, my dears, is an endless parade of the mundane, the trivial, the downright banal. We’re all just clinging to our iPhones, scrolling through endless feeds of utter drivel, hoping for that one moment of excitement, a glimmer of interest, a flicker of fame. The very essence of our daily existence has become a tedious routine, punctuated by the occasional meme or viral video that temporarily lifts us from our ennui. 

Oh, don’t get me started on the whole social media debacle. I mean, really. Once upon a time, a girl could go out, get plastered, and wake up with nothing but a hangover and a vague sense of shame. Now, every embarrassing moment is captured, filtered, and posted for all the world to see. There’s no escape. It’s like living in a fishbowl, darling, and I’m the prize goldfish.

Take TikTok, for example. Have you seen what the youths are up to these days? Dancing like demented marionettes to snippets of songs, hoping to become the next viral sensation. It’s all so desperately tedious. In my day, if you wanted to be famous, you had to have actual talent. Now, you just need a ring light and a modicum of coordination. And don’t even get me started on those influencers. What exactly are they influencing, besides my gag reflex?

And then there’s Instagram. Oh, Instagram, you fickle mistress. Everyone’s a photographer now, aren’t they? Snapping pictures of their avocado toast, their yoga poses, their insipidly perfect lives. It’s all so dreadfully fake. Remember the days when a photo was something you had to develop? You had to be selective, choose your moments. Now, it’s all about quantity over quality. Post ten selfies a day, and hope that one gets enough likes to validate your existence.

Twitter (or X as it’s now so deceivingly called)? Don’t even talk to me about Twitter. It’s like the digital equivalent of shouting into the void. Everyone’s got an opinion, and they’re all equally worthless. The outrage, the virtue signaling, the endless threads of nonsense. It’s a cacophony of idiocy, and we’re all just adding to the noise. In the past, you could simply avoid people you didn’t like. Now, they’re inescapable, their every inane thought broadcast to the world.

And let’s not forget Facebook. The granddaddy of social media, where boomers go to share conspiracy theories and cat videos. It’s a wasteland of bad grammar and worse opinions. I mean, really, who needs to know what your aunt had for breakfast or your former classmate’s political rants? It’s like being trapped in a never-ending high school reunion, with all the awkward small talk and none of the free booze.

But it’s not just social media, darling. The whole of modern life has become a monotonous slog. Remember when shopping was an event? You’d dress up, hit the boutiques, maybe have a cheeky cocktail or three. Now, it’s all online. Click, add to cart, repeat. There’s no joy in it anymore. The thrill of the hunt has been replaced by the convenience of next-day delivery. Where’s the fun in that?

And work. Oh, the drudgery of it all. Once, there was a time when a job was something you did to pay the bills, and you left it at the office. Now, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we’re all constantly connected, perpetually on call. Emails at midnight, Zoom meetings from your living room, the lines between work and home life blurred beyond recognition. It’s all so terribly exhausting. And for what? A pat on the back and a slightly larger paycheck? I’d rather have a good, stiff drink, thank you very much.

Speaking of drinks, even that’s lost its charm. Once, you could go to a bar, order a proper cocktail, and enjoy it in peace. Now, it’s all about craft beers and artisanal spirits, each more pretentious than the last. Bartenders who think they’re chemists, concocting ridiculous concoctions with ingredients you’ve never heard of. It’s all so unbearably hipster. Give me a simple gin and tonic any day.

And what about relationships? In the past, you’d meet someone in the real world, maybe at a party or through a mutual friend. You’d have actual conversations, get to know each other. Now, it’s all about dating apps. Swipe left, swipe right, a never-ending carousel of potential partners, judged solely on their profile pictures and a few pithy lines. It’s all so superficial. Romance has been reduced to a series of digital transactions, and love is just another commodity.

Oh, and the children! Have you seen them lately? Glued to their screens, utterly disengaged from the world around them. In my day, kids played outside, scraped their knees, had adventures. Now, they’re all indoors, eyes fixed on their devices, living vicariously through YouTube and Minecraft. It’s a tragedy, really. They’re missing out on the simple joys of childhood, the freedom to explore and imagine.

And fashion. Don’t get me started on fashion. Once, there was a time when style mattered, when people dressed to impress. Now, it’s all athleisure and normcore, a sea of blandness and conformity. Where’s the glamour, the pizzazz? We’ve traded elegance for comfort, and it’s all so depressingly pedestrian. Even couture has lost its edge, with designers pandering to the masses instead of pushing boundaries. I miss the days of bold statements and daring silhouettes. Now, it’s all about what sells, not what inspires.

And food! Remember when dining out was an event, a chance to indulge in something exquisite? Now, it’s all about fast-casual and food delivery apps. People are more interested in how their meal looks on Instagram than how it tastes. We’ve lost the art of savoring, replaced by the need for instant gratification. It’s all so soulless.

But I digress. The banality of everyday life is inescapable, and we’re all complicit in perpetuating it. We’ve traded depth for convenience, substance for style. Our lives are a series of fleeting moments, captured and curated for public consumption, devoid of true meaning. We’ve become slaves to our devices, addicted to the dopamine hit of a like or a retweet. It’s all so dreadfully hollow.

And yet, we persist. We wake up, go through the motions, and hope that maybe, just maybe, something extraordinary will happen. We cling to the illusion of control, the belief that we can shape our destinies through sheer force of will. But the truth is, we’re all just cogs in a machine, grinding away in the service of a system that cares nothing for our hopes and dreams.

So what’s the solution, darling? How do we break free from the monotony, the soul-crushing banality of modern existence? I wish I had the answer. Perhaps it’s a return to simplicity, to the things that truly matter. Real connections, genuine experiences, a life lived fully and authentically. Or maybe it’s about finding joy in the little things, the small moments of beauty and wonder that can still surprise us if we’re willing to look.

One thing’s for certain: we need to reclaim our lives from the clutches of technology, to resist the lure of the digital siren song. We need to be present, to engage with the world around us, to rediscover the magic of real, unfiltered human interaction. It won’t be easy, but it’s a fight worth fighting.

So here’s to us, darling. To the dreamers, the rebels, the ones who refuse to settle for the banal. Let’s raise a glass to a life less ordinary, to the pursuit of passion and purpose, to the glorious, messy, beautiful adventure that is existence. 

Cheers! 🥂