Saturday 28 September 2024

Help Us Find Missing Loved Ones in Lebanon: A Personal Plea

Help Us Find Missing Loved Ones in Lebanon: A Personal Plea

The ongoing conflict in Lebanon has brought unimaginable devastation to countless families, including our own. Recently, my partner Adam’s family home was bombed and completely destroyed, leaving many of his relatives unaccounted for in the rubble. As of now, we are still searching for his missing cousins, while tragically, we’ve already lost his aunt in the destruction.

For Adam and his family, this is a living nightmare, one that I know all too well. I was just a child during the war in the Balkans, and although my family was safe in Sweden, many of our loved ones faced the horrors of conflict daily. I know the anguish of not knowing where your loved ones are, the helplessness that weighs on you as the days go by with no answers.

But we refuse to give up.

We’ve launched a GoFundMe fundraiser to help aid in the search for Adam’s missing family members and to provide support to others in the area who are suffering the same fate. Any funds raised will go towards search efforts, aid for those who have lost their homes, and providing shelter for families who have nowhere to turn.

We’re asking for your help in this time of great need. Whether it’s through a donation, sharing our story, or simply sending us your thoughts and prayers, every bit of support makes a difference.

No family should have to face this kind of heartache alone. Together, we can offer hope where there is none and bring relief to those suffering in silence.

Please click the link below to learn more and donate if you’re able:


From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for your kindness and generosity. đŸ™đŸŒ❤️‍đŸ©č





Sunday 16 June 2024

The Importance of Pride




As we celebrate Pride, it’s a moment to reflect on its profound importance within the LGBTQ+ community. Pride is more than just vibrant parades and joyful festivities; it’s a powerful reminder of the struggles, resilience, and victories of a community that has fought tirelessly for recognition, acceptance, and equality.

Pride signifies the strength and unity of the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a time to honor those who have paved the way for the rights we enjoy today, and to acknowledge that there is still work to be done. It’s a celebration of diversity, where love and identity are embraced in all their forms, without fear or shame.

For many, Pride is a beacon of hope. It’s a reminder that everyone deserves to live their truth openly and authentically. It fosters a sense of belonging and support, showing that no one is alone in their journey. The solidarity and acceptance experienced during Pride can be life-changing, especially for those who may still be facing prejudice and discrimination.

In essence, Pride is a powerful affirmation of self-worth and dignity. It encourages us all to stand up against inequality and to champion a world where everyone is free to be who they are. Let’s continue to support and uplift the LGBTQ+ community, not just during Pride, but every single day.

Friday 24 May 2024

The Good Ol’ Days




Alright, darlings, listen up. 

Life, my dears, is an endless parade of the mundane, the trivial, the downright banal. We’re all just clinging to our iPhones, scrolling through endless feeds of utter drivel, hoping for that one moment of excitement, a glimmer of interest, a flicker of fame. The very essence of our daily existence has become a tedious routine, punctuated by the occasional meme or viral video that temporarily lifts us from our ennui. 

Oh, don’t get me started on the whole social media debacle. I mean, really. Once upon a time, a girl could go out, get plastered, and wake up with nothing but a hangover and a vague sense of shame. Now, every embarrassing moment is captured, filtered, and posted for all the world to see. There’s no escape. It’s like living in a fishbowl, darling, and I’m the prize goldfish.

Take TikTok, for example. Have you seen what the youths are up to these days? Dancing like demented marionettes to snippets of songs, hoping to become the next viral sensation. It’s all so desperately tedious. In my day, if you wanted to be famous, you had to have actual talent. Now, you just need a ring light and a modicum of coordination. And don’t even get me started on those influencers. What exactly are they influencing, besides my gag reflex?

And then there’s Instagram. Oh, Instagram, you fickle mistress. Everyone’s a photographer now, aren’t they? Snapping pictures of their avocado toast, their yoga poses, their insipidly perfect lives. It’s all so dreadfully fake. Remember the days when a photo was something you had to develop? You had to be selective, choose your moments. Now, it’s all about quantity over quality. Post ten selfies a day, and hope that one gets enough likes to validate your existence.

Twitter (or X as it’s now so deceivingly called)? Don’t even talk to me about Twitter. It’s like the digital equivalent of shouting into the void. Everyone’s got an opinion, and they’re all equally worthless. The outrage, the virtue signaling, the endless threads of nonsense. It’s a cacophony of idiocy, and we’re all just adding to the noise. In the past, you could simply avoid people you didn’t like. Now, they’re inescapable, their every inane thought broadcast to the world.

And let’s not forget Facebook. The granddaddy of social media, where boomers go to share conspiracy theories and cat videos. It’s a wasteland of bad grammar and worse opinions. I mean, really, who needs to know what your aunt had for breakfast or your former classmate’s political rants? It’s like being trapped in a never-ending high school reunion, with all the awkward small talk and none of the free booze.

But it’s not just social media, darling. The whole of modern life has become a monotonous slog. Remember when shopping was an event? You’d dress up, hit the boutiques, maybe have a cheeky cocktail or three. Now, it’s all online. Click, add to cart, repeat. There’s no joy in it anymore. The thrill of the hunt has been replaced by the convenience of next-day delivery. Where’s the fun in that?

And work. Oh, the drudgery of it all. Once, there was a time when a job was something you did to pay the bills, and you left it at the office. Now, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we’re all constantly connected, perpetually on call. Emails at midnight, Zoom meetings from your living room, the lines between work and home life blurred beyond recognition. It’s all so terribly exhausting. And for what? A pat on the back and a slightly larger paycheck? I’d rather have a good, stiff drink, thank you very much.

Speaking of drinks, even that’s lost its charm. Once, you could go to a bar, order a proper cocktail, and enjoy it in peace. Now, it’s all about craft beers and artisanal spirits, each more pretentious than the last. Bartenders who think they’re chemists, concocting ridiculous concoctions with ingredients you’ve never heard of. It’s all so unbearably hipster. Give me a simple gin and tonic any day.

And what about relationships? In the past, you’d meet someone in the real world, maybe at a party or through a mutual friend. You’d have actual conversations, get to know each other. Now, it’s all about dating apps. Swipe left, swipe right, a never-ending carousel of potential partners, judged solely on their profile pictures and a few pithy lines. It’s all so superficial. Romance has been reduced to a series of digital transactions, and love is just another commodity.

Oh, and the children! Have you seen them lately? Glued to their screens, utterly disengaged from the world around them. In my day, kids played outside, scraped their knees, had adventures. Now, they’re all indoors, eyes fixed on their devices, living vicariously through YouTube and Minecraft. It’s a tragedy, really. They’re missing out on the simple joys of childhood, the freedom to explore and imagine.

And fashion. Don’t get me started on fashion. Once, there was a time when style mattered, when people dressed to impress. Now, it’s all athleisure and normcore, a sea of blandness and conformity. Where’s the glamour, the pizzazz? We’ve traded elegance for comfort, and it’s all so depressingly pedestrian. Even couture has lost its edge, with designers pandering to the masses instead of pushing boundaries. I miss the days of bold statements and daring silhouettes. Now, it’s all about what sells, not what inspires.

And food! Remember when dining out was an event, a chance to indulge in something exquisite? Now, it’s all about fast-casual and food delivery apps. People are more interested in how their meal looks on Instagram than how it tastes. We’ve lost the art of savoring, replaced by the need for instant gratification. It’s all so soulless.

But I digress. The banality of everyday life is inescapable, and we’re all complicit in perpetuating it. We’ve traded depth for convenience, substance for style. Our lives are a series of fleeting moments, captured and curated for public consumption, devoid of true meaning. We’ve become slaves to our devices, addicted to the dopamine hit of a like or a retweet. It’s all so dreadfully hollow.

And yet, we persist. We wake up, go through the motions, and hope that maybe, just maybe, something extraordinary will happen. We cling to the illusion of control, the belief that we can shape our destinies through sheer force of will. But the truth is, we’re all just cogs in a machine, grinding away in the service of a system that cares nothing for our hopes and dreams.

So what’s the solution, darling? How do we break free from the monotony, the soul-crushing banality of modern existence? I wish I had the answer. Perhaps it’s a return to simplicity, to the things that truly matter. Real connections, genuine experiences, a life lived fully and authentically. Or maybe it’s about finding joy in the little things, the small moments of beauty and wonder that can still surprise us if we’re willing to look.

One thing’s for certain: we need to reclaim our lives from the clutches of technology, to resist the lure of the digital siren song. We need to be present, to engage with the world around us, to rediscover the magic of real, unfiltered human interaction. It won’t be easy, but it’s a fight worth fighting.

So here’s to us, darling. To the dreamers, the rebels, the ones who refuse to settle for the banal. Let’s raise a glass to a life less ordinary, to the pursuit of passion and purpose, to the glorious, messy, beautiful adventure that is existence. 

Cheers! đŸ„‚




Thursday 15 October 2020

TWO MONTHS AGO I ALMOST ENDED MY LIFE...



TWO MONTHS AGO I ALMOST ENDED MY LIFE... 

This year came tumbling down like nothing before it. The COVID pandemic disrupted the world in unimaginable ways and left a trail of destruction, sadness and hardship in its wake. 

I know it’s been a hard year for most people across the globe. I am no exception. 

Furloughed from work I spent my days locked up at home, afraid of this virus and hellbent to stay away from it at any cost, isolating myself. I guess in the midst of it all I became a nasty person to be around and this affected my marriage in a really bad way. Like any couple, we had our issues but this time round we couldn’t work through them and we decided to separate. 

In my mind I thought that we’d have the opportunity to somehow repair and mend what we broke but everything happened so fast. Within a month my then husband found a new place to live and moved out of our apartment, taking half of it with him. 

I was left alone in a half empty dwelling with all the memories and ghosts of our past. Combined with not knowing what is happening at work, (my contract runs out on 30th of September), and the news that my company was letting 4300 people go, I started to spiral.. 

When Nemo took our dog Nellie for a couple of weeks I suddenly didn’t even have a reason so get out of bed.. 

Days merged into each other and the darkness surrounded me in such a way that I just couldn’t see a sliver of hope anymore. 

I had lost everything that made me feel secure; the person that I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. My partner in crime, my lover and my best friend. My entire world came crashing down on me and I was unable to crawl out of the wreckage. Instead I started sinking with the ship.. 

I have a lot of amazing people in my life. If you are reading this, then you are surely one of them. But reaching out to any of you was not possible for me. The shame of those dark thoughts combined with the crippling feeling of hopelessness made it impossible to reach out to anyone. And every day I sank further and further..

I am not a weak person. I am the opposite. But when a chain of events so destructive takes hold of your life there’s only so much a person can handle.. 

I thought of different ways of ending it all. Every way imaginable, I thought of it. 
But a tiny part of me was still fighting, still hanging on and preventing me from taking that final step. That part of me was strong enough to muster up the courage and ask for help. 

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!

Finding help wasn’t easy. Wherever I turned the phones just kept ringing and nobody answered. I was put in a phone queue and was told I was number 98 in line. 

I waited and I waited. Hours went by. But that queue never seemed to shorten. I gave up. 
Until next day. I tried again. I called different numbers, I searched the internet but it seemed that during the worst year in modern history many known helplines have been closed or disconnected. 

Finally I managed to get hold of the psychiatric ward at the hospital here in Gothenburg and managed to get through. They took me in and helped me find my way back out of the deep hole I had spiraled down in. I am now in therapy, working through my issues. Some that are rooted deep in my childhood even. A lot of events throughout my life brought me to this place. It wasn’t “just” the stuff that happened this year. It was just the last drop that made my cup overflow... 

Why am I telling you all this now? 
There are two reasons. First of all, I know I am not the only one going through hell at the moment. There are more people out there that are struggling with the same emotions and are feeling hopeless and afraid. 

If you are one of them then I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You don’t have to go through this alone. There is help to get! 
Your life matters! YOU matter! 
It may be hard to see when you are at your lowest point and everything feels hopeless. But know that you are loved and you are needed by the people in your life. Don’t give up! Ask for help. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. 

Here are also the numbers where you can get help: 

Psykiatrisk mottagning Östra: 031-3421000
Psykaukten Stockholm: ‭08-123 484 00‬
MIND sjÀlvmordslinjen: 90101

AssistLine (UK) : 0800 689 5652
HopeLine (UK) : 0800 068 4141

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA):
1-800-273-8255‬

And here is a site with international helplines:
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

I hope that this post can help someone who’s struggling and needs courage to ask for help. 

The second reason for me posting this is because I find myself at a crossroads between the life I once knew and the scary future ahead.. 
I am lost and I am scared of what the future holds. I need help to discover what life could be again. Do you have any advice that could help me find my way back to myself again? Anything to help bring on the positive change I need..
Please send me a DM. Or share in this post and maybe that advice can help someone else too... 

I just know that I am still fighting. I am still pushing forward. I AM STILL ALIVE! 

Feel free to share this post if you think it could help someone in need. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Dan ❤️




Sunday 8 November 2015

Ode to my Nana



When a soul leaves this earth, how do we keep their memory alive and make sure they aren't devoured by the forgetfulness of time? 

We tell their story, of course. And this one was my nanas..

The year 1931 in a small Bosnian village my nana Marica was born. She was one of 12 brothers and sisters growing up in the countryside. Sadly her childhood didn't last very long nor was it a happy one for that matter. As World War 2 broke out she had just turned 8 years old. Fleeing for safety most of her family was captured, split up and sent to the Jasenovac concentration camp in Bosnia. She witnessed her father Ilija and two older brothers, Vlado and Boro, brutally executed as a warning to everyone. 'Do as we say, or else..' was the message their charred bodies portrayed as they were burned alive. 

A few years ago, before she got a stroke, I sat her down and purposefully made her take this painful trip down memory lane. 
I wanted to know about her life so that one day I could tell her story. It is a life worth remembering. She told me about my grand grandmother Petra, a good hearted and strong woman who lost 4 
children either in child birth or at a very early stage in their lives. She raised the remaining 6 alone after her husband and two sons lost their lives in the war. Radojka, Nevenka and Ratko emigrated to America in the 50's while the youngest; Vida moved to Australia in the 60's. The only ones left in former Yugoslavia were Nada and my nana Marica. 

Once she turned 15 my nana started working in an Iron Foundry as a metal worker. Tough job for a young girl but in those days beggars couldn't be choosers. 

At the age of 24 she met my grandfather Ljubodrag Vrbaski, an officer in the Yugoslavian army and an Auscwitz survivor. They moved to Novi Sad and got married a year later and a year after that their only child was born; my mother Katarina. Sadly their marriage didn't last very long due to my granddads constant infidelity and they divorced when my mother was 6 years old. 

Nana claims that she never loved another man after that. She gave up on men all-together and instead focused her life on raising her daughter and working 14 hour days at the factory. 

And then, she said, came her first and for many years only grandchild; me. 
Once retired from the iron foundry she helped raise me while my mom was at work. I remember our small one bedroom apartment in Zlatna Greda street in Novi Sad. It was a measly 25 square meters with a communal outhouse and no shower. A woodburning stove and a bucket for your needs during cold winter nights. But she made the most of it on her tiny pension and there was nothing I loved more than a nice home cooked meal at my nanas place. 

A few years later my mother and I moved to Sweden. I remember I was 6 at the time and nana was crying as I waved goodbye. 
It took another few more years until our paperworks were finished and my mother could bring nana over to live with us until she got a place of her own.

It was a hard decision for someone in their 60's to just pack up and leave the life you know behind. And it was hard for her once she joined us too. She struggled with the language and never mastered more than a few words, her favorite one being 'Bra, bra!' meaning 'Good, good!' 
It was her answer to anything and everything. She soon found her greatest hobby and favorite pastime; collecting cans and bottles and recycling them for a cash profit at the local supermarket. Every day she would walk for hours and in a week she could easily make about a 500 SEK profit. 

I remember being ashamed of her behavior when I was in my early teens. She cramped my style as I tried to get in with the cool kids in school and at times I would walk past her pretending I didn't know her. She didn't mind back then. But I do mind now. 

Growing up I too fled the life I knew for greener pastures in Great Britain. I lived my life to the fullest visiting maybe once a year, if that. Each time culminating in a home cooked meal at my nanas house and each time she would give me a parting gift of some of her hard earned recycling cash and I would gladly take it and treat myself to a couple of nights out in London upon my return. 

I was ashamed of her back then, but today I am ashamed of my behavior. I hope she knows that now.

Her final five years she spent at the Kviberg Retirement home as her health prevented her from looking after herself. And she refused to move in with my mom and her ex-husband because she couldn't witness the abuse he put her through. Instead she asked to spend her final days with people her own age.

My mother visited and took care of my nana several days a week. I visited her as often as I could, but towards the end I found it hard to muster up the strength to go and see her. I couldn't cope with the fact that my beloved nana was wasting away in front of my eyes.. 
Somehow I was hoping to preserve her in my memory the way she once was; feisty, colorful and full of life. Not the empty shell of the wonderful woman I once knew.

Nana, however, didn't give up. Her heart was strong and kept her alive through 4 pneumonias during the last three years of her life. An accomplishment rarely reached by someone in their 80's. In the end she was the only one left of all her brothers and sisters with great aunty Vida and great uncle Ratko passing on within a couple of months from eachother earlier this year. 

Today we lay her beautiful soul to rest. 
It is a gloomy, dark and rainy day. My heart is heavy and it aches at the thought that I'll never see my nana again. But I have to be strong today. I have to muster up the courage not to break down and be there for my mom through this hard time. And somehow find solace in the fact that mom and I were with nana through her last days. I just hope she could feel our presence. 

Rest in peace nana! May the black earth be gentle on your soul and give her the peace she deserves. Finally she is reunited with her brothers and sisters, and one day, we will be reunited with her.. 

Marica Međed
28.06.1931
~
22.10.2015







Wedding Speech for Edward and Monica



The first time I met Monica there was an instant connection and I knew that very moment that I had found the woman of my dreams. I knew that i had found my soulmate. But being an out and proud gay man this was somewhat confusing for me. (pause for laugh)

According to a dictionary a Soulmate is 
a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet - a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. With them you are all that much more aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.

It was clear to me that I had found someone i could share my deepest and darkest secrets with and she would never judge me for them, if anything she would love me even more. 

I could take her shopping and steer her clear of the hideous outfits that seem good in theory but not in practice. A sort of fashion police if you will. Although even I have been guilty of some fashion faux pas over the years. (pause for laugh)

Our relationship consists of unconditional love and respect for one another and I can only remember one major fight we ever had; it was when she decided to move out of our home that we had shared for many years in favor of moving in with her then husband to be. It resulted in a screaming match so loud that the neighbors called the police and reported domestic violence. Imagine the officers surprise when they found a hysterical screaming queen and a bleached blonde in a cat fight over who gets to keep the dining room table.. (pause for laugh)

In many ways we were just like any old 'married couple'. We enjoyed the little things in life, laughed, bickered, bitched and cried together. We were always there for one another and we worked together to realise our dreams; from fantasizing of the GalĂĄpagos Islands as teenagers to making it there in person as adults. Monica is the most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She is my best friend, my sister, my soulmate and the wife I'll never and always have. But as much as i saw us together for the rest of our lives there were certain "husbandly" obligations i just could not accomplish. (laugh)

Enter Edward Jenkins.

Meeting Ed, same cataclysmic effect took place for Monica but this time it was with a man who could fulfill all her dreams and needs. A man who could challenge her, push her limits and boundaries and open her mind even further. He would come to love her in the same unconditional way and slowly they would start building their dreams and making them a reality. 

It has been a great pleasure getting to know Ed. He is an incredible man with a big heart. He's aloof, spontaneous and quirky and totally 'out there' - a perfect compliment to Monicas list making, planning and CCD (compulsive cleaning disorder) - a Ying to her Yang if you will. 

A perfect example was our roadtrip to Vegas when he proposed to her in the Nevada desert while the sun was setting over the pyramid, Eiffel Tower and Caesars Palace. The whole world in one place. Only he forgot one thing - Mons uncontrollable fear of snakes. Although the proposal was a roaring  success it was marked by the 'Warning of Rattle Snakes' sign forever etched in her mind. Monicas perfect moment with an unexpected twist. 

See how they balance each other out? (laugh) 

The culmination of their love has resulted in yet another perfection in the form of baby Dash. The best of both worlds, completing their lovely family together with Jimmy pup and Tilly cat. For now. 

Together they make the perfect family and I couldn't have wished for a better man to hand my best friend over to. Most of all I am grateful that he doesn't mind sharing his wife with me from time to time. A happy ending for all of us! (laugh)

Thank you Ed for making her the happiest woman in the world. I couldn't have done it better myself. (laugh)

So as an ending to this very long speach, here is a poem that could hopefully teach,
a thing or two for a happy long life, 
forever together as husband and wife.

LIVE EVERY DAY WITH YOUR LOVE AS A GUIDE; ALWAYS GIVE MORE THAN YOUR GROOM OR YOUR BRIDE;


FIND IN EACH OTHER THE FUNNIEST THINGS, AND SHARE WITH EACH OTHER WHEN YOUR HEART SINGS.

AND NO TRUER WORDS HAVE EVER BEEN PENNED, THAN THE CRUX OF YOUR LOVE IS JUST BEING BEST FRIENDS.
FROM THIS DAY ON YOU ARE NEVER ALONE; WHEREVER YOU ARE, IT IS YOUR SPOUSE THAT’S YOUR HOME.
AND WHEN TIME HAS PASSED AND THE TWO OF YOU AGE, AND YOUR LIVES ARE ABOUT TO TURN THE LAST PAGE,
YOU’LL SEE NOT THE WRINKLES, NOR THE OLD, NOR THE GREY – INSTEAD YOU’LL SEE YOURSELVES AS YOU ARE ON THIS DAY.
I HOPE THAT YOU’LL GIVE LIFE TO MY EARLY REPRISE, AND THAT YOU’LL SAY TO EACH OTHER FROM TIRED OLD EYES:
“THERE’S NO ROMEO NOR JULIET THAT EVER WAS, IS OR WILL BE, THAT COULD EVER COMPARE TO WHAT IS YOU AND ME.
I SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT TIMES TEN: GIVEN THE CHANCE, I WOULD DO IT AGAIN.
IF SOME WONDROUS FORCE TOOK US BACK WAY BACK WHEN, AND THE LIVES THAT WE’VE LIVED STARTED OVER AGAIN,
I’D AGAIN FIND YOU AND COURT YOU AS HUSBAND OR WIFE; YOU’RE THE FABRIC, THE PURPOSE AND MY REASON FOR LIFE.”

Let's raise a glass and toast to the perfect couple. May they live happily ever after and continue to brighten up all our lives with their presence. To Monica and Edward Jenkins. Now and forever! 

Cheers!



Monday 2 July 2012

8 letters. 3 words.



Relationships are never easy. No one ever said that they were. But then again we as mankind don’t seem to like anything to be too easy. It seems we always strive for and want something that takes some fighting for. I guess that in the end the effort makes the reward so much greater.

Experience has solely taught me to fight for what I believe in and for what I really want. And I try with all my might to abide by that philosophy. But when you meet someone who’s beliefs are completely opposite from yours it gets really complicated. You start questioning if what you believe really is the right thing and you start to re-evaluate your thinking.

They say that all good relationships are based on equality. But equality can be hard to achieve. There are many factors that play vital parts in obtaining some sort of balance. Different circumstances all add to the equation. Age, experiences, background, education, financial status, upbringing, culture and environment are amongst the most vital ones. 

Overcoming these obstacles can be difficult but not impossible when it’s a question of love. The important thing is to recognise each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work together to balance them out as a couple. I for instance don’t have a higher education to fall back on. Flunking after high school I have always relied on luck to get by in life. It has worked out pretty good so far but as a result I often find myself in situations where I feel incredibly stupid in intellectual conversations. I wouldn’t call myself unintelligent but I sure am no intellectual. Having grown up trilingual I feel as if I’ve mastered the languages to a ‘get by adequately’ level. It’s only when I get to Serbia, my country of birth, that I feel like a tourist who’s just learned the language from a guidebook. I know it’s not intentional but sometimes people I speak with can make me feel really dumb. Good thing that the man I’m with has studied philology all his adult life and can help me correct some of the mistakes I make on a daily basis.

At times I use generosity to make up for feeling stupid. I have been brought up with a sharing mentality and one of my beliefs is that happiness is always at its best when it’s shared with your near and dear ones. I am not a materialistic person. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that. But when I am able to I will make sure that everyone around me is fed and dined and is having a good time. But sadly, this can sometimes be perceived in a wrong way and people feel overpowered.
It is not my intention to make anyone feel bad or feel that they are worth less by any means. On the contrary, when I come to Serbia I have enough money to treat myself to a lifestyle I can’t quite afford back home in Sweden. I splurge on cab fares, clothes, restaurants and travel. I do this because I can and I always try to include my partner or my friends. When all's said and done how much fun is it to do anything alone?

I am also a very emotional person. I make all my decisions on a completely emotional level whilst my partner is more sensible when it comes to decision making. It took some time to get my head around his way of thinking and I still haven’t grasped it completely but I feel like I am finally getting there. It is no secret that our differences have caused trouble in our relationship. Sometimes to a breaking point. We have argued and we have fought and said some terrible things to each other.

Whoever said that words can cut deeper than the sharpest knife was right. Some of my oldest insecurities stem from unintentional things people have said in the past. But I am not much different as I too have made the same mistake. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and hope that the wound I caused doesn’t leave a scar.

It’s been a year now and living 1547 kilometres apart has not been easy most of the time. It’s taken some hard work, plenty of effort and a lot of soul searching and it seems we’ve reached a milestone.

All things considered, when you truly love someone you should do everything in your power to work through your differences. If you are lucky enough to find someone good in this world then do whatever it takes to keep them in your life because many people are not that lucky.
At the end of the day it all comes down to forgiving and forgetting and moving forward. Learning from your mistakes and growing with them. And to be able to let one another know how much you mean to each other. Eight letters. Three words. Very rarely heard. 

Tuesday 24 January 2012

Hopeless Romantic


Being a hopeless romantic is not easy. I never thought it would be.As our world keeps evolving and getting more modern by the click of a mouse we seem to be losing touch with what romance really is.

Growing up as a kid I loved getting lost in fairytales. I used to fantasize about one day meeting that special someone, getting swiped off my feet, riding with my lover into the sunset and living happily ever after. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a complete moron. I do have some sense left in me to know that fairytales aren’t real and that love rarely happens like it does in the movies. But then again, I also think, that if I still believe in romance like that surely there has to be more people that do out there in this world. Or is there?

I’ve come across a few individuals that claim to be as hopelessly romanticized as I am, but when push comes to shove it turns out that only in theory are they prepared to live out those emotions. In practice it’s a completely different matter. I don’t understand what people are so afraid of?If I had given up or lost hope that one day I will find someone who’ll fulfill me in the way that I would like them to then I would have packed my bags a long time ago and settled on a desert island away from the perils of reality. But I haven’t. I’m still here.

It Love at first sight’ said Kylie. ‘Love is a losing game’ replied Amy Winehouse. ‘Love tried to welcome me’ exclaimed Madonna. ‘Nothing’s real but Love’ announced Rebecca Ferguson.

I didn’t choose to be a romantic. It just happened. In all honesty I don’t know how. The prospects of me ever becoming one were slim to nothing seeing as my own mother never had any luck in that department. I kept witnessing one failed marriage after another. My nan only ever had one man. Once that was over she swore off men (and sex for that matter) forever. Never once did I see her or hear her speak of a man, ever. My granddad on the other hand was what Britney would call a Womanizer. He couldn’t get enough. He was chivalrous but never romantic.

So where did this stem from within me? Was it the lack of love and romance in my childhood that created this hunger? Or was it childhood defiance that made me go in the opposite direction to the people around me?

All I know is that I had no choice. And I still don’t.

Try as I may I find it hard to live without romance in my life. I yearn for it. I long for it. I need it!

But instead of waiting for someone to do something romantic for me I started doing things for the people in my life. I’m one of those guys that will fly across the globe to be with the one I love. I won’t see obstacles. I’ll see challenges that I can overcome. I will wake up in the middle of the night just to give my lover a kiss. I will leave little notes in pockets for them to find, sometime, one day. I will share everything I have. I will find out what makes them happy and try to multiply that by a hundred. I will write messages that later I’ll regret because I then realize how cheezy they sound – but feel right at the time. I will leave a flower at their doorstep for them to find when they come home. I will write crazy love letters that make no sense at all. I will shout my love from the highest mountain top. I will try and help make their dreams come true, even if there’s no logical way for me to do that. I will try. I will run through fire to comfort them when they’re sad. If I can’t, then I will cry with them. I will always be on their side, even if they’re wrong. I will try and make them laugh as much as I can. I will show them the world, if only so I can see it through their eyes. I will do anything I can to ensure their happiness. Or at least try to help them achieve it.

There’s no limit to what I am prepared to do, for someone I love. In the hope that maybe one day, someone would be prepared to do the same for me. Maybe these seem like small and insignificant things. But these things can make a world of difference.

That, to me, is romance. That to me is love. Maybe my view on love doesn’t coincide with yours. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not right.It’s a broad term that has many definitions. There’s no right or wrong in love.

The one thing I definitely do know about love is that it’s scary. Plunging in there’s not much else you can do but hope that someone’s there to catch you as you fall.Trust that they won’t break your heart once you let them roam free inside it and believe in an Ever After.

Hopeless. Romantic.

That’s me.


D.

Tuesday 13 December 2011

Burning Man




It is with a heavy heart that I start this entry. I am saddened and appaled by how parts of our world are run today.


Last night I reluctantly clicked on a link that was sent to me. The heading read; 'African Man Burned Alive for being Gay'.


As I watched the images that emerged on my screen I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing. With my hand covering my mouth I stared at a poor man beaten to a bloody pulp by an angry mob. People laughing at him as he sat there in the middle of the street covered in blood. Some one was filming the whole thing as they continued to hit him with various objects. Then, suddenly, another man approaches and at first it looked as if he was throwing water at him. Only, seconds later, I realised that what looked like water was in fact gasoline.


Laughing and shouting the poeple threw burning matches towards the already incapacitated man and he burst into flames. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping that this was some scene from a bad horror movie or some sort of sick joke - but the punchline never came.


I sat in horror as it dawned on me that I had just witnessed a real life excecution. Something that was clearly filmed by some sick bastard for amusement.


I feel sick to my stomach that things like this are allowed to happen in the world we live in today.


But what saddens me the most is the fact that this video has been online for at least a month and still there has been no reports about it in the major media. I have been looking for some coverage online. Any coverage. But the only thing I can find is personal blog entries from people as shocked as I am.


Today I took it upo myself to send this link to ALL major News Agencies World Wide.


I have sent it to BBC, CNN, SKY News, Evening Standard, Reuters, B92, Press Association, TT - you name it. All this in hope that some justice will be brought to the Burning Man.


This unknown man that lost his life for loving someone his own gender!


I hope that by bringing this story to the public it will open up the eyes of the world. That by telling this mans story his death wont have been in vain. And if by any chance it makes at least one person realise just how wrong this is - then I will have succeede in my task.


This is the video. I warn you. The images you are about to see are EXTREMELY DISTURBING!!!!



Tuesday 24 May 2011

If U say U ♥ Me..



I don't want to hear you talking anymore,
because I know it's hard. I can see you're all alone..
So come into my home, baby..
I don't need to believe every word you say, with all the games you play.
It doesn't matter that you're late. You're always late.

Just say that you love me, cos I want you to.
Just say that you love me. Help me get to you.
Just say that you need me, baby, like I need you.
While the world is spinning round, I'm on solid ground.

If you say you love me cos I want you to.
If you say you love me, help me get to you.
If you say you need me, baby, like I need you.
While the world is spinning round, I'm on solid ground if you say you love me.

I can feel you. I can feel your every move,
every single grove.
You look so pretty when you're down,
but you don't make a sound oh ooh..
When I'm holding you I'm hoping that you'll stay.
When I touching you, you seem so far away from me,
and I never seem to be who I want to be when you talk to me..

Just say that you love me, cos I want you to.
Just say that you love me. Help me get to you.
Just say that you need me, baby, like I need you.
While the world is spinning round, I'm on solid ground.

If you say you love me cos I want you to.
If you say you love me, help me get to you.
If you say you need me, baby, like I need you.
While the world is spinning round, I'm on solid ground if you say you love me.

Kris Di Angelis feat. Melanie Blatt







CLIP : KRIS DI ANGELIS & MEL BLATT - Just Say That You Love Me DEMO by Krisdiangelis

Tuesday 10 May 2011

Satan I Gatan



I och med att jag har flyttat hem till Sverige sÄ kÀnns det inte mer Àn rÀtt att inviga mitt först svenska blogg inlÀgg.

Jag flyttade ju, som de flesta redan vet, tillbaka till Gbg för CK’s skull. Det funkade inte riktigt som det skulle med tanke pĂ„ hur promiskuös den dĂ€r killen var. Men vad hade jag att vĂ€nta mig av nĂ„gon som funderade pĂ„ en porr-karriĂ€r innan vi trĂ€ffades?

De sÀger att kÀrleken Àr blind, men jag vet inte riktigt om det var fallet nÀr det kom till mig och Christofer. I all Àrlighet sÄ var det ju trots allt jag som i början avfÀrdade hans intensiva uppvaktningar för att jag inte trodde att det var nÄgot att ha. Att han sen lyckades övertala mig att flytta hem igen hade absolut ingenting att göra med att jag var sÄ in i helskota trött pÄ London. Nej, nej. Absolut inte. Eller?

De sÀger ju att alla hÀndelser har en anledning och kanske ver anledningen till vÄrat möte just detta att jag skulle befinna mig dÀr jag Àr just nu; hemma i Sverige bland gamla goda vÀnner och familj. Eller gÄr anledningarna Ànnu djupare Àn sÄ? Kanske finns det andra grunder till att jag befinner mig just hÀr just nu. Vem vet?

Som sÄ mÄnga gÄnger förr sÄ vÀljer jag bara att följa strömmen och se vart den leder mig. Jag har aldrig tyckt sÀrskilt mycket om att planera för mycket eller sÀtta etikett pÄ saker och ting.
Som min underbara kusin Dado brukar sÀga; It iz wot it iz!

Och sÄ Àr det. Min vistelse hÀr har resulterat i mÄngen fina grejor. Jag har trÀffat nÄgra fantastiska nya vÀnner som har kommit att betyda mycket. Jag har ett grymt jobb som assistent till en Hot Shot pÄ Volvo. Jag har Äterupptagit kontakten med min familj efter Är av tystnad. Sommaren nalkas. Solen skiner. FÄglarna kvittrar. Lycka!

Jag ler och jag Àr glad. Luften Àr full av endorfiner. Kanske till och med lite kÀrlek. Jag drar ett djupt andetag och njuter. Jag passar pÄ nu, för det kanske inte varar för evigt.

Men vem vet? Inte du. Vem vet? Inte jag. Vi vet ingenting nu. Vi vet inget idag…

Men satan i gatan vad det kÀnns bra! (",)

Dan x

The Beautiful Things..





Every once in a while we come across something so beautiful it makes us stop and gasp for air. We can’t help but stop in our tracks and stare for a little while. It can be that gorgeous pair of shoes in the shop window that catches our eye. Or that delicious looking strawberry tart staring at us from the Patisserie stand across the street. Sometimes it’s a stunning flower in someones garden that just takes our breath away. And then there’s those exceptional moments when something truly extraordinary catches your eye. Like a beautiful boy that smilingly stares back at you.

Yes, there are many things that can take our breath away but few that leave a longer lasting impression. Sometimes, on very rare occasion that moment can turn into a dream come true.

When such moments occur there’s very little we can do to control our own emotions. Most times they simply get the better of us and we end up doing silly and sometimes embarrassing things; like write elaborate love letters whilst pretending they aren’t really love letters at all. Instead they are just a figment from our own imagination. Disguised in humour and frolics. Other times we act like teenagers, laughing and giggling at anything and everything, uncontrollably.

It’s strange when you are determined to close of your emotions, thinking that it’s better that way – and suddenly you find yourself feeling something completely different. But like with everything else in life, things happen for a reason. All you can do is simply enjoy the ride, for how ever long it takes. Sometimes until sunrise and sometimes for a lifetime. And in the process, if we’re lucky, enjoy the beautiful things that pass us by.. :)

Monday 28 March 2011

Like a Moth to a Flame..

Things aren't always as they seem.. Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way. The boy, who's invitation I accepted and gave up everything to be with, turned out not to be the person he gave himself out to be.. I followed my heart. I refused to listen to my friends when they told me they had a bad feeling about him and I hope that I have learned from these mistakes.. I am not sad that I moved back to Sweden, nor that I gave up my life in London. I am just a little disappointed in myself that I didn't quite figure it out until it was too late. This is not the proper story. This is just an inbetweener, while I figure out what I want to say, so bare with me.. Dan

Monday 1 November 2010

Time To Say Goodbye..

As the saying goes; all good things must come to an end. And just like that, it dawns on me that my time in London Town is nearing its very own finishing line.

I remember when I first arrived in the big city. It was in late -97. I recall the excitement as at the age of 17 I stepped off the train at Liverpool Street Station, fresh off the boat from Sweden. I was happy and scared, excited and nervous all rolled into one. I was tingling with butterflies all over. I had left home to come to this metropolitan city and I didn’t know a single soul here. It was a brand new start and one I was looking forward to.

Over the years I had fallen in love with London. I thrived on the fast paced lifestyle, the buzz of the crowded streets, variety of smells in different neighbourhoods and the diversity of people living here. I remember how I’d leave my house to go out on a Thursday night and not come home until late Monday afternoon. There is always something to do in this city. No matter what time of day, be it summer or winter or fall. I think back and smile at how easy it was to make friends.
You could just sit at a cafe and someone would start a conversation with you.
Ah, you’re sending a postcard to Sweden I see? Is that where you’re from?’ was a typical starting line seeing as most weeks I’d found myself sipping a latte in Old Compton Street Cafe, cautiously contemplating what to write home about. It was a line that worked effectively on a naive young boy who’d come to the big city to chase a dream.

In the back of my mind I had Madonna’s success story playing on repeat. How she came to New York with $35, how she asked to be dropped off in the middle of everything, how she worked real hard and how hear dream came true. I was looking to relive that story but in my own words.
Sadly, my fairytale didn’t have the same conclusion. Don’t get me wrong. This is a story with a happy ending only not one that left me rich to my teeth and famous all over the world.

After a couple of years some of my closest friends had come to live in London too. It was an incredibly happy time for me. Finally I could show them all the things I’d been writing home about and I could share the experience with someone I knew and loved. They were surprised to see how I’d grown. Actually, evolved would be a better word to use.

London was a city with lots great opportunity for anyone willing enough to go for it.
I had worked so many different jobs that I am embarrassed to say I can’t even remember some of them. When I first arrived I worked as a barman in the oldest gay pub in the city. It even had the atrocious nickname ‘The Elephants Graveyard’ – because some of the clientele were so ancient they’d been there since day one. Some of them never left, if you catch my drift. During another period I worked as an usher at a cinema in Leicester Square. When I got bored of that I somehow ended up managing a boutique Dry Cleaner in Chelsea. I was a waiter, a store salesman, a receptionist followed by a salon manager at a celebrity hairdressers, to mention just a few.

Each of these roles came with its own unique lifestyle. One I had to adapt to in order to fit in.
Like I said, there are a lot of opportunities here. If you are confident and hungry and not afraid to blag your way to what you want – you’re in. And trust me, there was nothing I was afraid of doing. I wanted it all. And I got most of what I wanted in the process.

But sadly, once I had it, it wasn’t interesting anymore. During one period of time I’d change jobs every three months. I’d get bored. I’d realise that I don’t actually want to do this. I wanted to try something different. So I did.

It wasn’t until I’d reached the age of 26 that I’d actually stuck with a job for a longer period of time. Three years to be exact. I managed a busy reception at a prestigious PR agency in West End. It was a dream job. One that allowed me to lead a pretty fabulous lifestyle. The hours were great, the colleagues were amazing and the salary was more than I could have ever hoped for.
At this point I felt like I was on top of the world. I went on extravagant holidays, partied at the best clubs and brushed shoulders with celebrities on a daily basis. I lived with my best friend Monica in a beautiful apartment overlooking Tower Bridge and I had even met a boy I’d fallen for. Life couldn’t get any better.

Then one day a dark cloud came and placed itself right over my head. That’s how it felt at least. But then again I’m sure that more than half the population of the world felt the same once the credit crunch reared its ugly face. Suddenly, I had lost my job. The company was downsizing. I couldn’t afford the apartment anymore. The lover I’d taken on decided to move on too. I found out the hard way why he was in the relationship to begin with. I had thought I was invincible only to find out just how wrong I’d really been. Everything changed.

I was about to turn 30 and suddenly, whilst struggling to find work in an extremely competitive environment I started to realise just what had changed so much. It wasn’t the city. It was me.

The job market was turning into a battlefield. I watched as bankers fought over bar jobs just to make ends meet and I refused to take such a huge step backwards. I hadn’t worked this hard just to drop all that way down again. But beggars can’t be choosers and I was forced to take a massive pay cut and start all over again. I realise that a lot of people had to do the same and with that I understood that I was slowly but surely getting over London.

I started to plan my next strategic move. Like a game of chess I contemplated where to go next.
The most logical idea that sprung to mind was to move to Serbia. I speak the language fluently, I have loads of friends and family there and I’d be arriving packed with ‘international experience’ that could secure me a job even in the worst job market.

I will always have a place for London in my heart. It has been a home for half my life and it has acted like a step mother in a way. It has taught me some very important lessons in life and it has enriched me with incredible experiences. Some extraordinarily good, some gruesomely bad and some outright unmentionable. But all of which I have learned something valuable from.
I leave this city with a smile on my face and some sadness in my heart. I will miss many great aspects of it but mainly the amazing friends I’ve made along the way.

Once again I find myself on square one. Only this time it feels different.
I am taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and I am taking a giant leap in to the (relatively) unknown. I don’t know what the future holds in store for me. But it’s exciting. And once again I have butterflies in my belly.

I am going home to recharge my batteries. I am going home to spend some time with my family. And I am going home to be with my beautiful man. And life is good!

Bye Bye London. You will be missed - but not forgotten.

Until we meet again.

Dan x