Monday 2 July 2012

8 letters. 3 words.



Relationships are never easy. No one ever said that they were. But then again we as mankind don’t seem to like anything to be too easy. It seems we always strive for and want something that takes some fighting for. I guess that in the end the effort makes the reward so much greater.

Experience has solely taught me to fight for what I believe in and for what I really want. And I try with all my might to abide by that philosophy. But when you meet someone who’s beliefs are completely opposite from yours it gets really complicated. You start questioning if what you believe really is the right thing and you start to re-evaluate your thinking.

They say that all good relationships are based on equality. But equality can be hard to achieve. There are many factors that play vital parts in obtaining some sort of balance. Different circumstances all add to the equation. Age, experiences, background, education, financial status, upbringing, culture and environment are amongst the most vital ones. 

Overcoming these obstacles can be difficult but not impossible when it’s a question of love. The important thing is to recognise each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work together to balance them out as a couple. I for instance don’t have a higher education to fall back on. Flunking after high school I have always relied on luck to get by in life. It has worked out pretty good so far but as a result I often find myself in situations where I feel incredibly stupid in intellectual conversations. I wouldn’t call myself unintelligent but I sure am no intellectual. Having grown up trilingual I feel as if I’ve mastered the languages to a ‘get by adequately’ level. It’s only when I get to Serbia, my country of birth, that I feel like a tourist who’s just learned the language from a guidebook. I know it’s not intentional but sometimes people I speak with can make me feel really dumb. Good thing that the man I’m with has studied philology all his adult life and can help me correct some of the mistakes I make on a daily basis.

At times I use generosity to make up for feeling stupid. I have been brought up with a sharing mentality and one of my beliefs is that happiness is always at its best when it’s shared with your near and dear ones. I am not a materialistic person. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that. But when I am able to I will make sure that everyone around me is fed and dined and is having a good time. But sadly, this can sometimes be perceived in a wrong way and people feel overpowered.
It is not my intention to make anyone feel bad or feel that they are worth less by any means. On the contrary, when I come to Serbia I have enough money to treat myself to a lifestyle I can’t quite afford back home in Sweden. I splurge on cab fares, clothes, restaurants and travel. I do this because I can and I always try to include my partner or my friends. When all's said and done how much fun is it to do anything alone?

I am also a very emotional person. I make all my decisions on a completely emotional level whilst my partner is more sensible when it comes to decision making. It took some time to get my head around his way of thinking and I still haven’t grasped it completely but I feel like I am finally getting there. It is no secret that our differences have caused trouble in our relationship. Sometimes to a breaking point. We have argued and we have fought and said some terrible things to each other.

Whoever said that words can cut deeper than the sharpest knife was right. Some of my oldest insecurities stem from unintentional things people have said in the past. But I am not much different as I too have made the same mistake. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and hope that the wound I caused doesn’t leave a scar.

It’s been a year now and living 1547 kilometres apart has not been easy most of the time. It’s taken some hard work, plenty of effort and a lot of soul searching and it seems we’ve reached a milestone.

All things considered, when you truly love someone you should do everything in your power to work through your differences. If you are lucky enough to find someone good in this world then do whatever it takes to keep them in your life because many people are not that lucky.
At the end of the day it all comes down to forgiving and forgetting and moving forward. Learning from your mistakes and growing with them. And to be able to let one another know how much you mean to each other. Eight letters. Three words. Very rarely heard. 

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