Thursday, 30 July 2009

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 - back dated!

Mr A-Z.

So there I was doing my make up, minding my own god damn business when suddenly my best friend Johnny calls me to tell me he won't be able to accompany me to a gig I've been looking forward to attending for quite some time. You can imagine the shock horror! My manscara went all across my face as I tried to grasp the meaning and gravity of this situation. To be fair it wasn't actually Johnny's fault. I had foolishly bought the tickets almost 4 months ago and it was meant to be a special treat for someone I was seeing at the time – yes yes, I'm a foolishly hopeless romantic and I jumped waaaay ahead of myself hoping, somewhere in the back of my mind that we'd still be seeing eachother. I had forgotten about the tickets and remembered them just in time to find a new willing victim to come with me – or so I thought.

Turns out not a lot of people knew who Jason Mraz was and were very reluctant to try something new. Or the ones that did look up his website turned out not to like his music. So my quest for company continued – in vain. And suddenly I realized just how alone I felt – my best mates are all busy in relationships and hardly have any time for stuff like this, unless of course their partner is included too. Monica's all the way across the pond in San Fran, Rob's moved on to warmer pastures in Dubai, Caitlin is Frenching it up on the Riviera and everyone else seems to be so consumed with work..
Luckily I managed to snag a poor girl from work who just happened to know who Jason is and actually also likes his music.

So I am now on my way to Royal Albert Hall to watch a lyrical prophet live in action. I've been waiting for this moment ever since Mon did some promo work for him back in -99. It's been a long time coming..

Watch out Mraz - I'm coming to watch you!

Aftermath - needless to say the gig was amazing. A hell of a lot better than I originally expected. I knew Jason had a great voice but just how good it is live is hard to tell untill you hear it first handedly.

Thanks to Rachel from work we had a ball and both of us at one stage screamed; Marry me Jason! - luckily it was muffled by the rest of the screaming teenage girls at the Royal Albert Hall.. Phew! Could have been quite embarrassing - if nothing else then simply for the fact that he'd probably taken Rachels offer sooner than mine..

Oh, and one more thing - I don't reeeeeeeally wear make up! ;)


Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - back dated!

Credit Crunch

Well... Last week I got some news from my employers basically telling me that I've been made redundant and my position will no longer be available. After 3 years loyal service and hard work I was shocked over the decision to just cut me off like that.. But after spending the weekend contemplating what had happened I realised that perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. See, it wasn't long ago that I epressed my concerne to me best friend that I feared I was going to be stuck in my job for all eternity seeing since they kept upping my wages every 6 months..

And in all honesty I WAS getting a little bored in the end..

But slightly worried over the fact I had 4 holidays booked up and paid for over the summer months I realised that it was gonna be a bit harder to find a full time job. So I decided to do some temping work in the meantime and enjoy the summer rest of the time..
That was until I had dinner with Mon last night. We were talking about how excited she was over moving to San Francisco next thursday and suddenly she just burted out; "You should come with me!!!"

Suddenly I'm sat there, motionless, with butteflies in my belly and my mind conjouring images of all the 'Tales of the city' novels.. OMG!!! I WANNA GO TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!

Ummm... Should I??

I really need to think about this! But the main thing is that I have NOTHING holding me back here in London!


Should I stay or should I go??


Sunday, March 16, 2008 - back dated!

The Common life..

Gosh, I know its been bloody ages since I posted a blog last and I know I’ve deleted a few as well. There have been some drastic changes going on in my life and I’ve not really had time to sit down and compose anything worth reading I guess.. I have started working on my EGYPT blog and altho I’m half way through I can’t bring myself to quite finish it.. I don’t know if its because I feel that if I get it all out it won’t feel as special anymore or if I’m simply affraid of loosing that amazing memory.. I don’t know really.. I have posted the first half but think I'll keep the ending a secret, just for me.. :)

After returning from Egypt in December it was obvious that my then boyfriend and I were going to go our seperate ways. It was a really tough process to go through especially as we lived together. He moved out shortly after New Years and left a huge void in my life and my environment. For a split second there I felt so lost I wasn’t sure I could ever find my way back to my old self again..

That feeling didn’t linger for too long. Egypt had brought me and Johnny closer together and helped us rekindle our friendship, sadly at the cost of depriving his boyfriend some pre Xmas quality time, but I’m sure that by now I’m forgiven. Johnny had planned my ’recovery’ down to a T and had a solution to every problem or issue that I tried to get off on. I really didn’t have much say in the matter - my life was (once again) in his hands.

Now, almost 4 months down the line, I feel like a brand new person! I guess that sometimes we need to embrace the changes that head our way instead of trying to fight them. I’ve always said it and I’ll say it another million times over - everything happens for a reason - and to resist is futile.People, things and experiences will enter our lives and make an impact in one way or another causing us to in turn make decisions that will subsequently alter our lives. I seemed to need a kick up the backside after spending the last two years in a smoke cloud and I’m glad for the way things turned out.

Mon decided to set off on her own adventure and opted for San Franciso, her birth town. I am so jealous at the opportunity she’s been presented with and I’m extremely excited for her. If only she could feel the same way. Needless to say its not really my problem. I have tried getting her excited about it but her head is still so far up that smoke cloud that she’s unable to see through it yet.. In time (I hope). So the decision was made not to renew our contract for the Tower Bridge apartment and go our seperate ways. The hunt was on and after two gruesome months of frenetically looking for a new home I found this lovely little Clapham Common pad. Don’t get me wrong, its a far cry from the glitz and glamour of Tower Bridge and it aint no Buchingham Palace, but its cosy, its homely and its cheap! Plus my flatmate seems cool enough and we get on well. My room is great and we even have a garden (in need of some TLC, but like life itself it’s a work in progress) and we’re 2 minutes from the actual Common. I can’t wait for the summer when I get to whoop my rollerblades out (and probaly kill myself or run someone over in the process) and just basque in the sunshine.

Work is going really well, in the sense that I’ve got another raise. In a way I’m a bit sad as its making it increasingly harder for me to move on from my position but its putting some extra dough in my pockets. And from the savings I’m making on the rent I’d be surprised if by summer 2009 I haven’t put down a deposit for my very own pad!

On top of this I’ve finally recieved my provisional driving license. Its been a few years in the making and I realised that it was on my Things To Do B4 I Turn 30- list, No 5 - Learn To Drive! So I’m studying the Theory DVD/CD-ROM and I’ve set up a couple of lessons with an old friend who just happens to be a driving instructor and who’s given me a discount on the going rate - just for being me :) Johnny even found a car that he thinks will be perfect for me, a silver Ford Puma. Its kinda cute but I’m not 100% sold on it just yet. Maybe once I’ve taken it for a test drive?

Johnny’s also put me on a strict almost army-like traing regime and I’ve been going to the gym almost religiously. Up to 5-6 times a week. I’m currently also on a detox and cleansing my body of all the toxins. My diet is being strictly monitored and I have todl Johnny that he’s slowly creating a monster. LOL I’m seeing some incredible progress and once this construction is finished all I can say is - Watch out!!!

But the biggest change 2008 has brought me (so far) is the courage to discover myself and my roots. I haven’t been to my place of birth, Novi Sad, Yugoslavia, since I was 14 and had come out to my mom. Our relationship deteriarated and there was noone to take me back there. Now, 15 years later, I suddenly have this urge to discover where I came from. I tracked down my aunty Radoslava and spent a couple of hours on the phone to her explaining where I’ve been all these years. She couldn’t believe it was actually me and was really happy to hear from me. She put me in touch with my cousins Dusan and Jelena and after chatting with them on Facebook for the last couple of months I’ve decided to go back to Novi Sad and get to know them. I’ve bought my tickets and I’m flying to Belgrade on the 7th of July and returning to London on the 19th. A good 12 days I reckoned was enough to scratch on the surface and leave me wanting more..

While I’m there I’ll be attending the notorious EXIT Festival in the Petrovaradin Fortress. It will be its 4th year and everyone who’s been says I can’t afford to miss it! If only some of my favourite acts were performing that would be the cherry on top. A they have a proper Dance Arena I would have loved to see Bonnie Bailey, Basement Jaxx or Robyn on that stage.. *sigh*

Ah, and Bonnie Bailey, the beautiful songstress that could change the world! I feel so happy and priviliged that I have actually established contact with this girl and that I’m getting to know her. After all she is the inspiration to mine and Johnny’s new tattoo. To celebrate our 15 years of friendship I have decided to put my mark on him!!! Moahahaha! I designed a tattoo that will go on the inside of our left forearm. We’re having them done next tuesday at Frith Street and I’m so excited I could just.. spit!! :)

So, the moral of this particular blog is that 2008 seems to be a year of changes. Not all good, I’m sure, but life altering nonetheless. And I stand here with open arms, stare diversity in the face and welcome anything that life throws at me.

After all, EVERYTHING happens for a reason..


Travel Blog - PRINCE(SSES) of EGYPT - Thursday 31st January, 2009

I know I know I know.. You don’t have to tell me!I’ve taken for ever to get to this stage but now I’m finally ready to write the long awaited blog about my AMAZING Christmas Holiday. For those of you who kept asking about it - thanks for your patience ;o)

I had been waiting for the 17th of December for what seemed like a lifetime. Since I’d bought the package deal all I could think about was cruising down the Nile, haggling with the locals and climbing up a pyramid. The day just wouldn’t come soon enough. Then there was the little issue of a traveling companion. Seeing as I had originally meant for the trip to be a birthday present for Arron and a combined xmas present for myself, when we broke up it seemed a bit weird to go ahead and go on this trip together. I wanted my first experience of Egypt to be a fun one, not one filled with sad memories of a break-up.

After a lot of thinking and consideration I asked my best friend Johnny to accompany me on a holiday of a lifetime. And boy am I glad I did. First of all I need to mention that Johnny and I have been friends since we were 14 and we’ve always been close. But since moving to London our friendship has been strained with the stress and fast paced lifestyle of La Londres and we found ourselves drifting somewhat apart. I looked on this trip as a way of bridging that gap and thankfully it all paid off.Johnny had been to Egypt before when he was asked to DJ in Cairo and on that trip he made some nice friends. Just how nice I was about to find out..
Monday 17th of December

At 5am we made our way to Gatwick airport. Both equally excited we boarded the plane and snoozed through the 6 hour flight. As the plane started to descend I looked out over the vast deserts of the magical land below. I had butterflies. I was so excited I could just.. spit!
Although I’d never been before I imagined the heat to be excruciating but to my surprise we were met by a light breeze and quite a comfortable climate. I was told that December was a good time to go as the temperatures were quite bearable and we’d miss out on the massive fly infestation that reigned during the hot summer months. We’d made our way through the passport check and headed towards the transfer buses. I tried to suck up as much of the surroundings around me as I possibly could and although I’ve been told that Egyptians will lure you into tipping them for something as trivial as showing you in the right direction I didn’t mind parting with a few pence when a boy dressed in a traditional ’galabya’ took my bag and moved it a few feet through the exit doors. Oh well.. Every little helps I thought and smiled.

In the package deal Hotel Emilo was meant to be our home for the next 7 days. Before we left Johnny cheekily asked me what star rating Emilio had. I told him it was 3* bang in the middle of Luxor and his face turned all twisted, like I’d fed him sour grapes. ’No, no, no, no, no’ he exclaimed suddenly, ’I am NOT staying in a filthy 3* shanty. I’m booking us into Sheraton, darling!’ And that he did. But seeing since my curiosity took the better of me I persuaded him to let the coach take us to Hotel Emilio just to check it out.
We got there and immediately got checked in without actually meaning to but then thought ’Ooooh, this could be fun’! The hotel was in the middle of a busy intersection, crammed in between two mosques and with traffic, horses and people running havoc all around it. Up in the room we noticed that our balcony was looking out at this intersection and even though all windows were closed the noise was just unbearable - not to mention the AirCon in the corner that blew an unstoppable arctic wind into the room sounding like a Dyson on crack.We took some photos just to document the horror before running down to Reception and asking to check out. The receptionist looked at us surprised and asked why, to which we replied – ’This place is filthy, we’re off to Sheraton’. LOLHe wasn’t happy! But at least we were! ;o)
Our driver/tour guide Rafat, took us to Sheraton Hotel which was further down the Nile and when we arrived he asked us what we’d like to do whilst in Luxor. We compiled a list of things and after exchanging numbers we trusted him to sort all of our excursions out for us.After checking in we both breathed a sigh of relief when we saw our deluxe room. It couldn’t have been any better - thank God for Johnny’s persuasion and stubborness!

Suddenly his phone rang and it turned out to be his friend in Cairo. He demanded we got on an early morning flight, already booked, and made our way to the capital. My heart started pounding and I literally thought it was going to jump out of my T-shirt. That night I barely slept for being so excited.
Tuesday 18th of December

With puffy eyes but a big smile on our faces we had breakfast overlooking the Nile. It was breathtaking. We took a tour around the hotel complex and I couldn’t fault a single inch of it. After packing for a 3 day trip we flew Egypt Air to Cairo all the while looking through the window at the beautiful and mesmerizing landscape below. Suddenly this ancient city appeared and seemed to be swallowing the desert. ’That’s Cairo’ Johnny said as my jaw dropped to the floor. I had no idea it was THAT huge. It seemed to be going on forever...

As we passed through customs a man held a sign with our names and smiled when he noticed us. I guess we weren’t too hard to spot - two screaming queens lost in an Egyptian airport LOL. We got picked up in a brand new black BMW and the driver greeted us with a smile and pumping house music blasting from the speakers. We knew we were in the right place. He told us that our host (I won’t mention any names for security purposes - but lets just say he is VERY WELL known in his country) was busy at the moment but we we’re being taken for a day of touristy sightseeing and gave us our own Egyptian mobile phone so we could call him whenever we needed him.
Our first stop was The Egyptian Museum. Little did I know that it was going to be the only touristy thing we’d do that day. It took us almost 4 hours to get through all the amazing artifacts, statues, sarcophaguses and mummies. I could have spent a whole week in there alone. There was just so much to take in and in retrospect I regret not agreeing to have a guide show us round. But then again had we had one then I wouldn’t have been able to secretly film short clips on my phone. I knoooow. Im terrible.. ;o)

Exhausted we got taken to our hosts ’humble’ abode where we were served traditional Egyptian food. Not that I remember what anything was called but it was bloody delicious! The only thing I had trouble getting used to was the servants. I found it hard to deal with but we were assured that the staff were very happy where they were and that they were properly looked after. Still, I don’t mind clearing my own plate or emptying the ashtray - only here, we weren’t ’allowed’. Left to our own accord we freshened up and when our host finally arrived I was caught like a pig in knickers fresh out of the shower, trying desperately to cover myself up. To our hosts apparent delight there seemed to be no need for that.. An immediate attraction arose on both parts! But I won’t reveal too much.. That would be un-lady like.. ;o)
We were taken out on a personal tour of the evening lit Cairo and I was taken aback by the apparent class differences that divided the city. The phrase; ’How the other half lives’ took on a whole new meaning. I saw people living in meager shanties and some people living on unfinished building sites. A part of me kind of expected it whilst the other part was shocked over the fact that a civilization as old as Egypt were still developing at such a slow pace. The whole experience was more than just an eye opener – it was a wake up call!

After driving around for a while we stopped at a place called Wabi Sabi where we were treated to a feast of the best sushi I had ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth. And believe you me, my mouth has tasted one or two things in its day. Who would have thought that a Japanese delicacy like that would be best served in Egypt?On our way home I couldn’t help but notice trucks and trucks filled with cows passing us by. Not one, not two but dozens.. When asked what was going on our host explained that it was the Egyptian New Year and as tradition the wealthy slaughter the cows and distribute the fresh meat to the ones less fortunate. According to history, Mohammed was asked to slaughter his brothers to prove his faith but God spared him the task by giving him cows to slaughter instead of his brothers. Fascinating story if not a little disturbing. So we came back to the mansion to find a brown Mama Muuu stationed in the garden. Johnny was shocked and asked what was going to happen to her. When told she’d be dinner the next day he pleaded for its life asking if he could trade me in for her.. Cheeky cow! Not the actual cow; I’m referring to Johnny!! LOL
As we were going to bed the flirtation between myself and our handsome host escalated but like I said – a lady never tells.. ;o)
Wednesday 19th of December

We woke up to another sunny December day. With rumbling bellies we all went to Starbucks for breakfast. Somewhat surreal but nice nonetheless. Our host was off to work but left us in the competent hands of his driver who drove us through the length of the city all the way to the Giza plateau where the Pyramids were carefully guarded by the majestic Sphinx.
He introduced us to his brother and his nephew who took over and brought us two sturdy mares. I hadn’t been on a horseback since I was a kid but I was told it was like riding a bike – yeah right – a living, four legged bike that runs and jumps and has a will of its own. Not quite the same thing, so don’t let yourself be fooled. Johnny however seemed more at ease as we trotted through the streets heading towards the desert, but then again he’s got more experience in the ’riding’ department than I do.. He he he..

As the desert opened up our guides muttered something in Arabic and suddenly my horse took off with lightning speed. Before I even had a chance to say ’My Cha Cha pumps’ I was flying through the desert sands like a warrior princess on speed, holding on for dear life. Suddenly the pyramids rose before us and as we stopped I was mesmerized by the sheer size of the colossal buildings. Who originally came up with the idea of building them? Why were they aligned according to the stars? How many people did it take to raise all those blocks? How many lost their lives in the process? The questions were endless..
We got off the horses and walked up to one of the pyramids for a Kodak moment. I went completely snap happy when I saw our guide talking to some armed guards. They were pointing at us and I noticed the guards nodding their heads at the mention of our hosts name. The guide came up to us and asked if we’d like to climb up the pyramid. My heart nearly skipped a beat and both myself and Johnny looked at eachother and exclaimed in unison; YES!!
The trek up was quite difficult and filled with danger, it was a long way down and the weathered sandstone seemed treacherous in places. About 2 thirds up our guide decided it was as far as we’d go, for our own safety. But even that exceeded any expectations. Johnny and I had a moment to ourselves, just sitting on the edge of a giant block of stone looking out over the vast desert planes. It was the most beautiful of sights. I had tears in my eyes as the realization dawned on me that I had fulfilled one of my childhood dreams and to be able to share that moment with my best friend was the greatest gift I could have asked for.
After climbing back down we were taken on a tour around the rest of the plateau. Fascinated by the extensive architecture it wasn’t hard to imagine just what a magical place this was in its prime. All the feasts and rituals held here thousand of years ago still had a presence that can be felt to this day. Somewhat in a daze we rode back the waiting BMW and sat in silence as we were driven through the setting sun to the Marriott Hotel for a spot of food. The hotel itself was an old palace built for Empress Eugenie in the early 1800’s and was quite a magical place in its own right. After dinner we were taken back to our hosts mansion where needless to say I slept like a baby and my dreams were filled with images long lost to history..
Thursday 20th of December

I woke up early and left Johnny sleeping as he looked so sweet immersed in some exotic dream. It was a shame to disturb him.. Nah, that’s a load of crap.. I was hoping to get a moment alone with our host ;o) and that I did. He smiled at me as I entered the front room and asked if I’d like to join him under the blanket (it was a bit chilly!!) and ’watch Gray’s Anatomy’ for a while. I took him up on his offer and cosied up next to him, our legs intertwined for a short while.
Suddenly Johnny appeared and looked at us with a puzzled glare! ’You dirrrrrty little stop out’ he said ’I can’t leave you alone for 5 minutes and all of a sudden you think you’re the Prince(ss) of Egypt. Sheew, get back to your room and put some clothes on!!’ I did as I was told! LOL

The rest of the day went by incredibly fast. It was our last day in Cairo and we still had to go to El-Khalili Market for a bit of shopping. After another breakfast at Starbucks our host flagged down a taxi and asked him to look after us for a few hours.The driver, Yussuf, looked at our host in awe and nodded frenetically, smiling at us with a toothless mouth, reassuring that we were in safe hands.
Yussuf drove us to the market and accompanied us to wherever we wanted to go. Our first stop was a perfume factory as I’d heard about these fragrant oils that last forever and smell like anything you’d be able to buy from the high streets in any major city. The shopkeepers were very nice but when it came down to the price suddenly they became all business like and tried to rip us off. At this point Yussuf jumped in and explained whose guests we were and the price went down by 50% as they apologized with nervous smiles.
We continued through the market and found a wicked little shop called Oscar’s. Oscar himself was this chubby little man with a lot of cheek. He enticed us into his shop by telling me I was pretty. Now c’mon – wouldn’t you stop and hear him out?? LOL Once we were inside he offered us some tea and a spliff to awaken our spending appetite. I have to say it worked as we ended up buying everything from papyrus to marble capotic jars (which would be handy for storing.. stuff in..), ashtrays, fridge magnets and a white marble head of Queen Nefertiti – don’t ask!
It was an amazing experience but I have to admit that we felt a bit like Patsy and Eddie in Morocco, all bedazzled and in a bubble.On our way back to the car I noticed people looking at us and pointing. Some smiled while some looked puzzled. I mentioned this to Johnny and he shrugged it off as weed paranoia. It wasn’t until we heard two teenage girls mention our hosts name after smiling at us that we figured out that the word of whose guests we were had spread throughout the whole of El-Khalili Market. A very exciting moment I must say! He he he..
When we got back to the mansion we were served an amazing feast of traditional Egyptian dishes. After a days shopping (and some help of Egyptian home grown) we’d worked up quite an appetite and tucked in. It wasn’t til after we’d finished that our host started to laugh wholeheartedly. When Johnny asked him why he was laughing he said; ’Didn’t you notice something missing from the garden?’


Oh nooo, we’d just eaten the lovely little cow Johnny wanted to trade me for. Oh well, at least that meant that I was free to carry on my adventure.We packed all our stuff and our host drove like a true boy racer through the gridlocked traffic leading up to the airport. I guess traffic restrictions didn’t really apply to him!?After a heartfelt goodbye and a promise of meeting up again in the near future we boarded the plane and were on our way back to Luxor for another 4 days of historical extravagance.

But that is another story..



Thursday, August 23, 2007 - back dated!



Life works in mysterious ways!

Now isn't that an understatement of the century!? Full of surprises and unexpected turns you can never prepare yourself fully for what lurks around the corner.

You think you have it all mapped out and you enter the future with your hopes high and your mind set and then WHAM BAM you find yourself sitting in the disabled toilet at work blurring your eyes out and asking yourself; 'What happened??' I'll tell ya what happened. You got exactly what you bargained for! By thinking you're invincible and by arrogantly mapping your own life way ahead of you it looked back at ya and spat right in your face. The question now is; What are you going to do about it? Are you gonna just sit there and take it and wilt like a flower? Or are you gonna take the bull by the horns and show it who's the boss?

Now there is a decision that will either make or break you!
As I write this I'm feeling lost and confused after some of the blows I've been dealt over the last couple of weeks. Altho none are of any particular magnetude, they all seemed to happen simultaneously, causing the foundations of my world to slowly start cracking.

Ever since running away from home as a teenager I've always looked after myself, never wanting to burden anyone else. But being on my own, what I learned along the way I learned from strangers and sometimes when I felt homesick I would think back to old family values. From one troubled marriage my mother fled to another, to another country. Confused and divided between Sweden and Yugoslavia I guess I've always struggled with my identity. So I ran away to the UK - hoping that things would be better.

I can honestly say that I've never felt more confused that I am right now. Its funny though. I used to think that as people grow older all the pieces of the puzzle wold fall into place and BAM one day you'd feel comfortable in your own skin. I know now that its not as simple as that. Lifes generally more complicated and in order to understand life you need to embace it and accept it for what it is; A massive whirlwind that can't be manipulated nor controlled.
Changing your ways of thinking and living isn't the easiest thing, especially not if like mine your mind is so set in its ways that rust has appeared around the edges. But its worth a go. There are times in life when all you want to do is start afresh on a clean slate and something's telling me that that time is about to arrive... once again.

Right now I find myslef in a place where I've just had to sever all ties with my abusive, alcoholic mother after I found out that she completely humiliated herself (and me) during my fathers dead wifes wake. She told the whole (Serbian) party that I was gay - now don't get me wrong, I'm proud of who I am and I would never hide it - but my family in former Yugoslavia are so conservative that they don't understand the meaning of the word. What they picture when they hear the word GAY is death, desease, sodomy and eternal pergatory. Not the healthiest of outlooks for their first born son and grandson. To add salt to injury my mother decided to file for divorce (from her third husband) and wants to seperate my brother Maksim from his sister Marina. She wants to take the girl and start a new life back in Yugoslavia, while the 'bastard' boy is left with his dad in Sweden.

Tell me, are those the actions of a healthy and loving mother?

Now I'm battling an inner turnmoil as I try to come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never get a proper chance to see my family from my dad's side. After this ordeal I'm shitting bricks just at the sheer thought of having to explain to them how I've chosen to live my life, wich coincidentally is putting sticks in the wheels of me furthering the exploration of my roots - adding to the confusion and feeling of being lost.

To top everything up it was brought to my attention that my flatmate, best friend and 'sister' has been having great difficulties accepting my boyfriend. Now you can imagine just how big a blow that was considering that we've all lived together for the last 6 months. This new found information is squeezing my heart to pieces and I feel a panick attack coming on. How did it all end up this way? In the beginning she loved him, I'm sure she did, the look in her eyes said everything. Or was I maybe fooled by her relief that I'd found someone so that she doesn't feel guilty for spending most of her time with her own boy?! And now when her own relationship is showing cracks she's made a U-turn on mine?

The feeling of being stuck between your best friend and your lover is such a headf*ck that I cannot possibly begin to describe. It literally feels like my head is about to explode and I am regressing back into a 3 year old just so that I don't have to deal with this issue.
I feel guilty for being in love with a person my best friend doesn't like. At the same time I feel guilty for my boyfriend not liking my best friend! I feel even guiltier for being the one responsible for them living under the same roof - as it was ME who instigated it, it was ME who made it happen and its ME who's now having to sort it out. But how?

She's already said that she want's to move out. Although I know that her financial situation is more reason for that decision than anything else, I still feel bad. I feel bad for 'choosing' my boyfriend over her. True enough, I've known him a fraction of the time that I've known her - but she can never give me what he can, and vice versa. But nonetheless I feel guilty..
Now, she's planning to move out, leave us alone, save up some money and head off to San Francisco where she's gonna try her very own Fresh Start! And as much as I'm sorry to hear that she wants to leave I feel like maybe, just maybe I can have a fresh start myself. But then there's the guilt again and the uncertainty. Will it work? What if it doesn't?? Then what do I do? When my best friend's on the other side of the globe and my loving boyfriend has long forgetten about me?? Then what...?

Like I said; Life is like an whirlwind that cannot be manipulated nor controlled so I'm gonna spread my wings and let it lift me and take me where ever it wants to. I'm ready to accept life for what it is instead of trying to manipulate it into what I'd like it to be.
Maybe this way I won't be facing as many disappointments..


Thursday, August 02, 2007 - back dated!

Walk like an Egyptian

Since I can remember I have always been fascinated with ancient Egypt. As a kid I used to steal my moms kohl pencils and paint my face Egyptian style and fashion different head gears as I pretended to be a prince(ss)..

As I grew older my passion followed, unfortunately not in a way that could have enabled me to actually use it as a career move. If I'd played my cards right or if someone had noticed the burning interest within me perhaps they could have guided me in the right direction. I didn't have such luck. Instead I pursued another dream - I wanted to be an actor. But that dream crumbled and nothing came out of 3 years of acting school, apart from learning to improvise (which proved VERY useful in latter days).

Now at last I have another chance to rekindle my childhood passion. I've decided to take the plunge and against all odds head to the land of the ancient pharaohs. I booked the tickets a while back (when I still had some money) and as the trip was a part of Arron's birthday present I couldn't really talk about it. Can you imagine just how much I wanted to scream; I'M GOING TO EGYPT!!!!!

I told Arron about it just before we went on holiday as Mon kinda ruined the surprise by giving ME an Egyptian Guide Book for my b'day. Arron's a smart cookie and kinda figured it out and altho his birthday isn't until December 19th we're both ecstatic over the trip. A while back he mentioned something about wanting to spend Xmas somewhere completely un-Christmassy and what better place than Egypt to do that in?

I'm completely over the moon about the whole thing and although it was meant as gift to Arron for his 21st it was as much a gift to myself as I couldn't have thought of a better person to experience it with. Lets just hope he feels the same way!
We fly out on the 17th of December and stay for a week at Emile Hotel in Luxor.
Apparently on the top floor of the hotel there is a swimming pool overlooking the Nile on one side and Karnak Temple on the other. Across the river we're just a camel ride away from the Valley of The Kings (AND Queens) ;) as well as the Ramesseum and a handful of museums. I'm already secretly planning a night train excursion to Cairo where we'll get to see the pyramids and sphinx and everything else that crosses our path.

Yalla Yalla BRING IT ON!!!!


Tuesday, July 24, 2007 - back dated!

Friedship VS Love

Getting stuck in the middle between a dear friend and someone you love is a horrible thing. I know that it happens all the time but just because it does happen doesn't make it easier to deal with.

What do you do when both sides seem to have a valid point? How do you choose between the two? Can you stay neutral at all?

I find myself stuck in the middle today and it feels as if I'm literally being ripped apart. I can't concentrate on work and my head feels like its about to explode!

The last week has brought on more headaches than I can remember ever having and right this minute I just wanna crawl down and hide under my desk. I feel like I've suddenly become a parent to two kids and its up to me to inflict peace and wisdom upon them - even tho I can't think of anything peaceful OR wise to say to either of them. The more I try to make things better the worse I seem to affect the situation.

I'm confused and sad and scared and lonely!

I wish this was all a bad dream and that soon i will wake up. Sadly, I'm old enough to distinguish dreams from reality. All I can hope for is a miracle!


Travel Blog - Rhodes, Lindos - Friday, July 13, 2007 - back dated!

Well, I know we've been back over a week now and that I should have posted this blog a little sooner but thanks to my notebook disappearing in the depths of my holdall I had to wait til I found it. Not that my memory fails me or anything but its better to have all the facts right than to be making stuff up as I go along.. ;o)

Wednesday June 27th

I woke up all giddy and excited. We were leaving the rainy gloom of London behind us and heading towards warmer lands. I had never before been to Greece even tho I was born not too far away from it in Serbia. I have met a few greek people throughout the years and always felt comfortable in their surroundings. Their mentality reminded me very much of what I was used to from home and I guess it was just a natural progression. That and the fact I'm Orthodox - the ruling religion in Greece - and altho I'm not practicing it I am very familiar with the stories and drive behind it.We got to the airport and after changing money, buying goggles and adapters we realisd our flight had already borded. In blind panic we rushed through the crowds as we heard our names announced through the speakers; "Will passengers D. Kreckovic and A. Jones please go to gate 19 immediately. Your flight is ready for take off." Narrowly escaping our plane leaving without us we struggled to catch our breath in the seats. Sweat was running down my forehead and I thought Arron was going to have a asthma attack - remembering that his inhaler was left on the nightstand!

We landed in Rhodes after a 4 hr flight. I was glad I brought Paul Burstons 'Star People' to keep me occupied otherwise I would have struggled to cope with the amount of crying infants and frantic teenagers eagerly waiting for their holiday to begin. The moment the flight attendants opened the doors to the plane we we're hit by a tremendous heat blast and suddenly I looked at my longsleved cashmere sweater and wondered what the hell I was thinking when getting ready this morning. We later learned that Grece was experiencing the worst heatwave in 10 years and with temperatures reaching as high as 52°C it wasn't hard to believe. It was already 8pm by the time we landed and we were taken on an hour long coach transfer to Lindos. Knackered we made our way to the reception by the pool and were greeted by Eleni, the owner and manager of Eleni Studios. She took us to our room, No 13, and told us that if we wanted aircon we'd have to pay 50 Euros to have it switched on between 10pm-9am. We didn't see much point in arguing with that even tho it came as an unexpected expenditure on our already limited travel budget.
While filling our fridge with breakfast stuff from the nearby supermarket we noticed that it was broken and couldn't be turned up to cool faster. We also noticed that for a Self Catering hotel they didnt really provide enough utencils for you to be able to cater for yourself. Ironic but we didn't let that bring us down. After all we'd gotten the trip at a bargain price.
We unpacked our things and finished the evening on the balcony taking in the sights of the clear starlit sky before turning in to a turbulent and sweaty nights sleep..

Thursday June 28th

I woke up early, excited about the day ahead. Arron needed a couple extra minutes to come to life so I strolled down to the pool area and relaxed til he joined me. The sun was baking hot and we later found out that it was 45°C and a lot cooler than it had been the previous couple of days. Apparently they didn't have any wind for a week and as the heat wave soared the city of Lindos was like a boiling cauldron. It looked as if we had arrived in perfect time, just as the heat was subsiding. We went to stock up on some more necessities and returned to catch the Thompson Rep Lynn in the middle of her introduction. She was a little Glaswegian lass that couldn't stop sweating. As she spoke, sweat beads were trickling down her face and neck causing her shirt to stick to her back and as a result we could barely understand her as she hurriedly slurred through her speech. We decided that whatever information she could give us we'd be better off finding out on our own from the locals and headed down towards the main beach. I wanted a lilo and Arron was more keen on a ring so when he'd fallen asleep in our plastic white sun loungers I sneaked off and surprised him.

After a little persuasion we headed off on a little mini adventure. The beach was within a bay and further out were two little islands guarding the entrance to the bay (as you can see in the top pic above). We decided to pack up all our things; water, phone, books, camera and towels and on the lilo and the ring paddle out to one of the islands.

After about an hours paddling we reached the volcanic rocks and climbed up on to the island. We suddenly realised that we we're in a very remote spot and that the wind and tide had suddenly changed. This meant that going back would prove quite difficult as the wind was blowing away from mainland and behind us was the open sea. But what's done was done and instead we decided to enjoy the space we'd found It was an interesting landscape consisting of what looked like hardened lava, with holes and crevices scattered all around it giving plenty of opportunity for wild sealife to thrive. It wasn't as accommodating to our feet tho. I'm not sure just how many cuts we received out there. Arron's biggest attraction was a big rock reaching up to 15 meters above the sea that he decided to jump off from. My heart skipped a beat as he lept off into the blue I was too chicken to try instead we went skinny dipping and even engaged in some sexual activity for good measure... ;o)

The journey back was gruesome. The tide was forcefully leading us out to open water but we were determined to make a shore. After almost 2 hours of struggling and gurgling salt water we finally reached land. We were exhausted and slowly made our way back to the hotel where we crashed for a few hours before freshening up and going for dinner in Lindos town. We were ushered in to Alexander's and I was delighted to see they had white bait on the menu. After the food arrived it dawned on us that we had ordered way too much.. Lesson learned for next time.

Needless to say we both slept like babies that night!

Friday June 29th

I woke up in a weird mood. I had already checked and knew that the full moon was just around the corner and by being prepared I hoped I could escape the effect it usually has on me. No such luck altho this time I was more aware of it and could deal with it accordingly.
We made our way through the town of Lindos to another beach that was slightly hidden compared to the main one. But the biggest surprise was their wooden sun loungers and straw parasols, a vast improvement from yesterdays.We spent most of the day just soaking up the sun and snorkeling in the sea. This time keeping a bit closer to the shoreline.

Making our way back through town we couldn't resist taking a donkey ride up to the Acropolis (video). After all Lindos was known for its notorious donkeys and it seemed like a cool thing to do. I enjoyed it, not sure about Arron though.. lol They took us all the way up to the old ruins of the Acropolis where we were amazed by the extraordinary views. We found out that the locals have started a project where they are trying to restore the castle to its former glory or as close as they can get. I'm sure it will be a success.

After exploring the old ruins we descended down back through the shopping streets of town where I tried to haggle but unlike in Turkey where haggling is expected in everyday life the greeks get very angry. Lets just say I learned my lesson well. We returned to Eleni's to shit, shave and shower and decided to try the very first restaurant in the entrance to Lindos, called MedEast. To our surprise it was a very nice place. The layout of the restaurant was great with stunning views of the beach and the ruins, the service was friendly and the food delicious. With their main specialty being meats Arron was in heaven!

Before returning back to the hotel we passed a little tourist hut where we found out you can book excursions and cars and bikes. We decided to get ourselves a Quadbike for 3 days and also booked a lazy day boat trip for the following day.That night I could barely sleep; tomorrow was going to be an exciting day and we were picking up the bike in the evening. Arron on the other hand couldnt sleep cos he burned himself..

Saturday June 30th

The alarm woke us up at 8am. Even for holiday time that was waaaaay too early. But considering we were going on a boat trip for the day we managed to soldier through. A red Peugeot came to pick us up outside Flora Supermarket and took us to Vlicha Bay where Captain Stergios was waiting on his boat. When all 12 passengers had been collected we were off. As the first to arrive me and Arron got the whole back of the boat all to ourselves giving me enough space to lazyly lap up the sun.

Captain Stergios was in his early 50's and a very funny man with knowledge of several european languages as we found out during the day. He'd start by telling me and Arron in eanglish about any sights worth noticing then moved on to the front and repeated the same thing in German, Italian and French. It was funny 'cos there we're no french people onboard. Nonetheless, his efforts we're highly appreciated. He took us around the bay of Lindos main beach and we could see the back side of our 'Deserted Island' he then continued round through some rocky formations resembling a huge mushroom in the water and a lions head until we reached a strip of crystal clear turqoise water close to Pefki.

We stopped for a while so everyone could have a dip and cool down and then headed back north towards Haraki (video). In Haraki we stopped for a bite to eat. Arron and I didn't like the look of the beach front cafe and headed towards the town centre til we reached Tommy's Taverna. A cute waiter with a monobrow served us and Arron wanted us to adopt him and take him home - but only if we tweezed his eyebrows! After finishing the mousakka and burger we ordered we left Mr Monobrow behind us and returned back to the boat. The captain told us with excitement about this secluded beach that noone can get to except for by boat and once we got there it wasn't hard to see why. It was a remote strip of sandy beach with a massive wave of a hill sheltering it from the rest of the island. The only way to get down to it would have been by rope or jumping down off the ledge and hoping for the best. The other passengers from the boat scattered themselves all across the sand and we tried to find some shade as Arron was deliberately staying out of the sun. He was hot, bothered (video) and complaining about bugs a lot. None of wich bothered me...YET!

After about an hour and a half Captain Stergios honked the horn and we all climbed back onboard the boat. This time we were heading back to Vlicha Bay to disembark the vessel and head to Lindos Tourist Office to collect our Quadbike. I've never seen Ron so excited. Like a kid who'd just won his own amusement park. After going through the security and all the relevant information we needed to know we took the bike for a ride south of where we we're staying. It was great fun but as it was already dark we headed home to prepare for our massive roadtrip around the island the following day.

But before we got back to Eleni's I remembered an old story my nan used to tell me. She said that back in the day when they had been out working the fields, especially the men, they'd come back sun burnt and aching. And when they did the women would rub natural yoghurt across their backs and shoulders to draw the pain out and to soothe the skin. Well, after 8 hours on a boat, chasing the sun around and having the wind cooling me down you can just imagine what I looked like when we returned - so I decided to stop by Flora Supermarket once more and pick up a tub of Natural Greek Yoghurt. As I went up to the old lady to pay, she looked at the tub, then at me and said with a massive grin; AAAAH, YESSS, FOR FACE, HA?? and nodded knowingly. That gave me all the reassurance I needed.. :)

Sunday 1st July

After a great nights sleep, although with quite a lot of tossing and turning and definitely smelling of yoghurt we both woke up at the same time. We packed our backpack with towels, sunscreen and plenty of frozen bottles of water and headed on our first day of exploring the island on the quad bike. With a tiny beach map as only reference we took off from Lindos Town and headed North up the highway. I don't have a driving license and wasn't allowed to drive out in traffic - but I retaliated by refusing to drive at all. Instead I opted for the more relaxing role of the passenger (click link to see video). Apart from the slight banging against my lower back caused by the helmet box I didn't have many complaints. I just sat back and enjoyed the amazing views of the island as we drove by. For only having 80 CC's the quad bike did a good job getting up the hills with us on it.

Not really sure about just how far away everything was it took a while to find the right roads. Especially considering all the roads are marked in Greek. Once again that's where my Serbian heritage lent a helping hand - being taught in an Orthodox Sunday School as a child I could still remember Cyrillic - the alphabet used by the ancient Greeks - and could easily decipher the correct route (with a few stops and failed attempts of asking for directions).

We finally found the little side road leading to our first destination - Epta Piges - or Seven Springs. Judging from the guide books we had and after speaking to some locals we imagined a large spring welling out of a mountain and streaming down through caves and into a large lake where people could jump in. The reality couldn't have been further from our imagination.

We arrived to find a tiny little puddle welling up from underneath a couple of trees. Each 'spring' was marked with a number on a stick and some gees and ducks were cooling off in it. The water then ran down rocks and through a manmade tunneled canal, about 150 meters long. Still unknowing what awaits at the other side we mustered up the courage to go through the pitch black tunnel even though some local women refused to step foot inside point blank! It was a weird experience and I had to keep taking photos in order to be able to see anything - totally oblivious to the fact my sunglasses were still on!The end of the tunnel didn't have much to offer. What we thought would be a lake waiting was in fact a dried up canal containing nothing but mud and goose droppings.

Before venturing off towards our next destination we decided to have lunch at Seven Springs Taverna. Lucky we did cos the food was exquisite and dirt cheap for the portions we got. Highly recommended!

Somewhat more confident of the roads we decided to take what seemed a shortcut to Petaloudes through Arhipoli and Psinthos. Little did we know that we'd be traveling down a remote dirt road for miles until we finally got to The Valley of the Butterflies (video). The valley itself was gorgeous and definitely worth a trip. It was a man-made haven for millions of Tiger Moths inhabiting even the tiniest of crevices. Massive clusters of moths hanging on to cliffs, tree branches and caves following the waterfalls from top to bottom. Apart from the moths there were also other forms of life there such as sweet water crabs and what looked like leeches but later turned out to be tiny black snails. We walked around and took photos and at times Arron tried to stir the moth clusters with handfuls of dust only so we could get a good shot of the magnitude of the insects.

After an hour or so exploring the woodlands we wanted to head back home. We were hungry and thirsty and starting to get a bit tired. Arron drove towards the airport and then we had to follow the entire highway all the way to Lindos. After a foodstop in Faliraki (video), and purely to be able to say that we'd been there we continued home. Driving down the busy road we didn't anticipate it taking as long as it did and to make matters worse all of a sudden the quad bike slowed down and came to an absolute standstill. Not too far from Lindos but still a VERY steep hill away it wasn't an ideal situation. Luckily we'd just passed a petrol station and managed to fill the tank and return home safely.

By the time we'd returned neither of us was very hungry so we tried to drive back to one of the beaches we'd visited with Captain Stergios but once we arrived (at Lindos Memories Hotel) we noticed that the lovely turquoise bit was quite far away from the shore so we stuck round and tried to catch crabs and sea urchins before finally returning to Eleni's where we crashed for the night..

Monday 2nd July

I woke up very excited knowing that we we're going to explore Rhodes town today. I had been looking forward to it all week. So much history to experience and to see for myself what I had only read about in the past and to see the Sound & Light show that we'd heard so much about. But Arron wasn't quite where I was. He'd woken up in a bad mood and it seemed one bad thing only led to another. Before we'd even taken off he'd cursed the mosquitoes that bit him during the night, he managed to burn our breakfast (not his fault, I blame the crappy pans) and he burned himself as he got on the quad bike. By this time it had already been in the sun for a few hours.

We were finally on our way but as the journey progressed, his mood only deteriorated more and more. Stray stones hitting his face on the road we're swiftly followed by bugs flying in to his mouth. Holding on behind him I just kept my mouth shut and hoped for a miracle. After about an hour and a half we'd reached the entrance to the city but as we got closer the traffic turned nastier. All of a sudden we reached a set of traffic lights (one of 2 on the whole island I'm guessing?) and we were surrounded by at least 15 scooters tightly followed by an endless number of cars and trucks. With no signs indicating any directions we struggled to find our way around but finally reached the walls of the Old Town and knew we were in the right place. Arron was NOT happy and without stirring things up too much I suggested we go for a stroll through the ancient streets of Old Rhodes.

It was amazing walking down the cobbled streets and you can literally feel the history around you. It was really picturesque and I couldn't help but wish I had a castle the size of this.. lol One day!!! ;o)

With the bad mood unchanging I thought maybe some food might do the trick and we went down to the harbour to eat. I ordered a Greek omelet accompanied by my signature dish a Greek Salad and Arron had a pizza. I couldn't have anticipated that a pizza would only make matters worse. It turned out to be soggy and doughy and I chose to shut my face in order to keep the peace.

We walked along the water to Mandraki Harbour where one of the Wonders of the Ancient world once stood; the Colossus of Rhodes. A giant bronze statue that stood at the entrance of the harbor with one foot on each side, majestically guarding the ancient city. It is believed that an earthquake caused the Colossus to disintegrate and fall piece by piece into the ocean - although no parts of it have ever been found!?

We carried on walking til we reached a heaving beach full of tourists. Shingled, it didn't seem as nice as some of the beaches down south but it was by far one of the largest on the island. Following it round the northern most tip of Rhodes, past the Marine biological Museum we were met by a sight to remember. Massive waves (video) splashing the turquoise sea up against the beach. Not many people dared to enter the wild waters as the current was extremely powerful but it was no match for me. I ran and dove in with my clothes on turning a few heads along the way. I didn't care. It was an incredible feeling just letting yourself go in the waves. Arron shortly joined me and his mood seemed to let up a little bit.. Just a little though! We spent a few hours on that beach swimming, chilling out and just watching the world go by. On the other side the mountains of Turkey could be seen and although we could have we decided to give that excursion a miss.

The sun started to set and after a change of clothes we went to explore the Old Town (video) some more. We found the Street of the Knights of St John. There was a House of England with the traditional English rose as a symbol followed by the House of France, Germany and so on. But the thing that baffled me the most was the abundance of umbrella and fur shops!! Yes FUR shops!!! In a land that has more sunny days than they can handle it just seemed a little strange anyone would want to cover themselves up in a massive coyote fur coat! Is it just me or does that seem a bit wrong?? lol Passing through these shops we also came across a little mannequin of a boy - or more the Seed of Chucky (video). It became a standing joke with us and I wish we could have brought him back with us.. ;o)

I had tried to keep my cool about Arrons rain on my parade and even suggested we give the Sound & Light show a miss as it was another 2,5 hrs til it was supposed to start but he wasn't having any of it, saying how it was one of the reasons we'd come in the first place. So we headed back towards the beach to get a glimpse of the famous Rhodes sunset. On the way we found an Orthodox Church (video) and I couldn't resist entering. All the lessons from Sunday School as a kid came swooshing back to me and I recognized the many saints gracing the walls but even I couldn't answer Arrons question; 'Why does Jesus have 3 cardinal points in his halo?'
All I DO know is that they are NOT cardinal points!

Needless to say by the time we reached the seafront the sun had already set and we had to return back to catch the show. After paying 18 Euros for the tickets and a programme we expected something extraordinary but what we got was not even worth pissing on if it caught fire!! It was such a disappointment and I could just feel the blood bubble in Arrons veins. As people started walking out of the show I daren't speak a word and pretended to enjoy it (as much as I could)! What was meant as a recreation of the Sound & Light show in Athens was merely a nice garden with a few colored lights lighting up to a pre recorded dramatization of the Knights of St John. Trust me it SOUNDS nicer than it is and apart from a sore back and a sleepy bum we didn't get much more out of it.

So the journey home was about to begin. The wind had picked up and Arron was upset over how cold it would get on the bike so I gave him my spare shirt and vest top and fastened the rest of our stuff on the quad bike.We drove through the mental traffic only to time and time again end up in dead ends or one way streets. And to add salt to injury once we finally found an exit a small explosion scared the shit out of us and we swirled off the road only to discover that the bungee strap holding our bag to the bike had snapped and the bag had fallen off. I rushed off the bike to chase the bag but it was too late; it had already gotten run over and most of our belongings had been destroyed.At this point Arron was the calm one while I felt the temperature rise in my temples. I was about to have a fit and then I suddenly saw it. The moon. And it was RED! A blood moon is never a good sign and although not much it gave some explanations to all the wrong things that had happened today.

We continued the drive out of Rhodes town in silence. I didn't have much to say as I was holding on to Arron for dear life as we drove almost 2 hours through darkness. Along the way we stopped for some food but we couldn't wait to be in bed.
Once sat on our balcony with a spliff to calm our nerves we looked at the burned and run over remains from our backpack and just burst out laughing.At least we'd remember this day forever..

Tuesday 3rd July

We deliberately refused to get out of bed early today. Originally we were gonna drive down to Prasonissi, where the Aegean and the Mediterranean seas meet in one straight line. Apparently its a really beautiful place with lost of nice beaches and an interesting geological spot to visit. But not for us and not today!

I think we were still a bit shaken by what had happened during last nights return journey and we also didn't have a bag to pack all our necessities in anyway. Instead Arron looked through our burnt and mangled Berlitz guide book and found a nice sandy beach not too far away from Lardos, which was literally down the road. Determined to get one last use out of the ring and mattress I'd bought on our second day I held it over my head as I straddled the quad bike. It wasn't the easiest thing to hold on to at 80km/hr but we managed to get to Glystra beach all in one piece.

We paid for the sun loungers and I headed out to sea on the inflatable rubber ring and got swept out by the strong current. As I tried to paddle back to shore I noticed something BIG and DARK 'swimming' just to the left below me and I guess you could say that I panicked slightly.. Frenetically trying to side-paddle around this 'monster' from the depths I ended up getting swept out further out to sea. Finally I made it back to shore and Arron went out to do some snorkeling while I got lost in Paul Burstons 'Star People'. After about an hour I looked up and I couldn't see Arron anywhere. My heart slowly began to race as I was trying to spot him or his snorkel in the water. Each time I saw a snorkel sticking out I focused my attention on that person, til they came up and it turned out it wasn't him. All sorts of images clouded my mind. I saw him getting an underwater asthma attack or getting water in the snorkel and drowning or drifting far out to sea without even noticing it himself or worse still; he got eaten by that sea monster I saw earlier!!!I had visions of me having to call his parents and tell them I'd lost him somewhere in the sea and they'd hate me forever and ever..

And just as I thought things couldn't get any worse a German woman 2 sun loungers away started shouting at her husband. It immediately caught my attention that her son, who was about 6-7 years old, couldn't be seen anywhere. Both parents rushed up towards the water and started calling his name. It took several minutes for him to re-surface behind some bushes behind the backs of his worried parents.

Suddenly I panicked! I didn't know what to do!?? Should I start calling out Arrons name too?? Should I inform anyone? Or ask for help?I hid the camera and my phone and headed out towards the rocky formation where I'd seen him snorkel just hours ago. My heart was racing as I climbed the sharp rock and for every movement I noticed thinking it was Arron it sank at the fact it wasn't. Its weird to explain, but I felt like a parent loosing a child. The fear started to consume me from within when all of a sudden I saw him. He was strolling along the bank a few meters away, snorkel in hand and a big grin on his face as he noticed me and waved. I DID NOT wave back! The fear I'd felt swiftly turned into anger as I shouted at him that I thought he'd drowned and that he'd been gone for almost 2 hours. I made my way back to our chair with him miles behind as he was barefoot and I had the advantage of flip-flops against the rocks. He joined me on the beach moments later and I was still fuming, pretending to read my book when in fact I had to read and re-read every page twice as I kept loosing concentration. Then it dawned on me that he was fine and I didn't have to call his mother to tell her she'd lost a son and I asked him if he wanted an ice cream.. lol

As we munched away on our fast melting ice creams I told him about the 'monster' I'd encountered in the deep and when asked to point out exactly where I was told that it was just a patch of tall growing sea weed.. Oh well, how was I supposed to know?? It was huge and it was moving.. ;o)

A couple of hours later we were ready to head back to Eleni's. We had to return the quad bike and freshen up for our last supper on Rhodes.We decided to return to to MedEast after spending the last of the holiday funds in some of the shops. Great glass art and jewelry and I even got a hand painted, blessed Icon of Jesus for my multi religious Nan.

That night I couldn't sleep. Arron had already fallen asleep as I was laying awake thinking about how much I'd love to live a life of leisure like a lot of people on this island. Opening up a hotel somewhere and making enough money during the summer season that I could spend the rest of the year relaxing and enjoying a stress free life. I started thinking about some of the plans me and Arron had discussed. More dreams than plans I guess, about one day building our dream home, renovating an old castle and adding our personal touches to it. I fantasized about our future adventures and what the future may have in stock for us and I looked at him laying there, smiling as he dreamt and realised just how important this boy has become to me over the last 6 months.. I finally drifted off to La La land and I too had a smile on my face.

Wednesday 4th July

The alarm woke us up at 10 am and since we'd already packed the night before there was no need to rush. I washed the dishes we'd accumulated, with a sock and tidied up the mess we'd made. The key was returned to Eleni and we spent the rest of the day by the pool. I thought it would be a shame to throw away the rubber ring and mattress and asked a girl next to us if she'd like to take it. She was delighted and we got talking. That was the first proper conversation we'd had with any other guests at Elenis. It turned out they weren't as happy about their stay as we we're. They agreed to the fact that there wasn't enough toilet paper and that they'd always had to ask for it. Same thing happened to us though but we never realised that NOBODY had any loo roll at times.I asked how much they'd paid for their holiday and as I heard her reply my jaw dropped to the ground! The same trip that me and Arron only paid about £270 for (with flight, transfer and accommodation) set them back over the £1000 mark. I couldn't believe it! I would have been absolutely appalled if Elenis was where I'd end up for that kind of money. I mean, don't get me wrong - Elenis is a nice place with great views and nice friendly atmosphere but for £1000 I'd expect more than that. A LOT MORE!

On my way to the loo I managed to come across a very rarely seen bug but one that was making HORRENDEOUS racket! The Cicada (video). It looked like a HUGE fly with vained wings and massive eyes. Apparently they make the noise to attract partners - not this one tho!!! Tee Hee.. ;o)

The Thomson coach arrived just after 4pm and took us to Rhodes Airport (video). We went to pick up some bits and bobs from the tax-free. I stocked up on olive paste, cigarettes and some chocolate and spent the next 2 hours reading The Daily Mail that someone had left behind. That's where we found out about the terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport and the failed attempts to bomb a nightclub in London and suddenly I started stressing again. I thought about all the work waiting for me when i get back, the crowded masses struggling to get to work in the morning, packed like sardines. I thought about all the bills waiting for me and I thought about the fact I'd have to give up doing fun and interesting things for yet another couple of months. I was ready to cry. Arron wasn't in a much better mood himself. We both traveled home in silence and when we got in there was yet another surprise waiting; Mon had a HUGE package waiting for me in our room and as I ripped open the paper a Samsung flat screen LCD TV that connects to the PC :o) - a belated birthday present from her and her boyfriend Ed.

As we lay down to watch our holiday snaps all the worries about going back to work disappeared...


Tuesday, May 22, 2007 - back dated!

Je vais te dire un Secret..
Let me tell you a Secret.. THE Secret to be exact.

In accordance to my previous blog (that raised a lot of thoughts and views) I've decided to stay in the cosmic realm but make it slightly more comprehendable.

A movie was brought to my attention last week that had absolutely nothing to do with UFO's, aliens or extra terrestrials altho it's about space and universe and cosmos. Its been widely studied and researched and the conclusion alwasy seems to end up the same - Space is a 'solid' matter that can be bent and moved to fit its surroundings and is affected by other 'things' around it.

We've all heard of The Butterfly Effect - a butteflys flapping wings in, say, Japan can send tiny motionwaves across the globe that can eventually escelate to a fully pledged hurricane. Just like human thought waves affect our surroundings and even the future.
I know this is a little bit far fetched but considering the people behind it aren't after a materialistic profit but instead want to teach people how to use The Secret to improve their lives and eventually achieve everything they ever wanted, its worth a try. There's absolutely NOTHING to loose.

I've already praised all the things I'm proud of in my life and everything I'm greatful for has been noted. I've even written out a cheque to myself for the sum of $500.000 to be cashed on my 30th birthday. I know the sum's not THAT much considering I could have put any amount I wanted - but I wanted it to be realistic (for me) and that way I can easily visualise it. Once that money's in the pot there's no limit to how much more will be made. I've also changed my way of thinking. Altho its not the easiest thing ridding yourself of all negative thoughts in Central London it is a work in progress and I'm sure I can feel a bit better already.. : )

The idea is that by power of thought you will be able to attract the things you desire the most; love, happiness, wealth, security etc. By exchanging negative thoughts for positive ones the vibe you send out will be different, attracting rather than repelling what you want the most. This is very logic to me. As everyone knows when we're in a bad mood we project vibes wether we want it or not and just like other people can sense that so can the universe. If we use our thoughts to instead evoke and summon what we'd really like we can affect 'motion' of space and through a series of events and by help of signs we can eventually achieve our goal.

So I'm passing this information on to anyone who'd like to wish themselves a bit of happy or a bit of wealthy or why not a bit of loved too just for good measure.

You can visit The Secret's website here or you can buy the book here or you can search info on YouTube to find out more..

Good luck!


Tuesday, May 15, 2007 - back dated!


Have you ever wondered what lurks out there, in the open space surrounding our planet? Have you ever questioned if we truly are the most evolved and the most superior species?

There have been a lot of speculations surrounding this topic. Some of them leading back all the way to the time of the ancient aztecs and egyptians. Unidentified objects depicted alongside human-like figures in drawings and carvings inside the pyramids. Some might describe them as UFO's, or visitors, but most will dismiss it as jibberish.

Lately a strange hunger to find out exactly what's going on has awoken and I am slowly working through the facts. By reading up on books, checking out stories and examining some of the photographic evidence I find it very easy to believe..

There have always been errors and glitches in Darwins evolution theory. A missing link if you will - between the neantherthal man and the homosapien. And the more I keep reading up on the subject the more evident it becomes that we've been helped in the evolutionary process. In some way, 'someone's bridged the gap between animal and man, resulting in - US!

So far, my research has revealed some incredible theories and some frighetning facts;

* The Roswell Files - UFO's crashing in the New Mexican desert. Aircraft and 'pilots' found and instantly brushed under the carpet as 'Weather baloon exploded in desert'. When in reality the story is somewhat different. US state officials and previous employees of NASA, CIA, FBI, SETI etc. finally stepped forward and revealed the truth about that cover up.More can be read at

* NASA's UFO's - Thanks to the research from the Roswell events NASA has been studying the aircarfts found and replicated their of battleships and are learning more about them to this day. They are made including anti gravity matter and different metals are combined to give it great flexibility. Only way to manouver when you are flying at that speed.

*American Governments Weapons of Mass Destruction - being built in space. Laser machinery to be used in attacs against war on terror, any other human threat and finally - alien invasion. Some of the weapons have been in production for more than 20 years and it is unknown to unauthorised personel just how many of them are in orbit.

*Red Rain over Kerala, India - In 2001 the skies opened up over Kerala, India and poured down for 2 whole months. A monsoon some might say. Well, yes.. Only the rain was couloured red. Extensive research was carried out and scientists believe that alien bacteria came down with it. More can be read on;

*NASA video footage of the moon - after the first trip to the moon video footage was first released, then retracted from public use, after it became evident that it showed alien lifeforms. It was shot in UV light and although the astrounouts themselves saw nothing but the horizon, the video showed 'objects' moving around, some playfully investigating the human aircraft before sporadically disappearing into thin air. Additional footage showed the moons surface and what seemed to look like old ruins.

* Ruins on Mars - And what about the findings on Mars. We've all seen pictures of what appears to be a large stone 'face' and not too far away there are what seems to be ruins of a city and even a massive Pyramid in the red desert. Now, thinking about it; WE have pyramids in the desert. We even have huge faces too, just look at the Sphynx. Wouldn't extraterrestrial life explain how the ancient Egyptians managed to build their pyramids in such a short period of time. And what connection did the egyptians have with the Aztecs? They built pyramids too. Where did this idea come from?

*Nazca Lines - 2000 years ago tribes in the Peruvian desert started 'drawing' lines and pictures of symbols and animals. The drawings were on a massive scale and could only be seen from the sky. The baffling question everyone asked was; If they only had basic 'technology' back in those days, how on earth could they make such huge images so precisely? And more importantly; WHO was meant to see them? Read more about them on;

There are so many things I could mention here but it would inevetably take up so much of both my time and yours reading this. I will not in any way try to impose my thoughts or beliefs on anyone. Its a free world and everyone's entiteled to their own opinion. All I ask is for you to look at these peices of evidence and hand on your heart say that they are complete fabrication.. I don't think that you can. But trust me, once you step foot into the world of the unknown you'll be wanting to know more and more - so prepare yourself for a journey to outter space..


Monday, May 14, 2007 - back dated!


I remember being really excited when arriving at Niclas house for last years Eurovision Song Contest. We'd decided to make it a 'swedish evening' considering all of us used to watch the show almost religiously back home. Since moving to London I found that I missed a few years in between and saw this a great opportunity to get back into it. After all, what better way for such diverse countries to come together than through song?

Yeah right..

Halfway through the show, after listening to some of the entries (can't even remember any of them now) I couldn't believe just what a downhill ravine was awaiting the voting process. Normally, its the bit I'm always looking forward to - but last year - it was a nightmare!!!
Monster band Lordi worn the title for Finland with Hardrock Halleluja and I was ready to throw in the towel. A prestigeous melody contest had turned into ultimate trash TV where shrieking, headbanging puppets were allowed to represent countries. Idiocracy!

When advertised I couldn't have paid less attention to ESC this year. I accidentally saw when Scooch won the British part and nearly choked in disguist. So it was no surprise that when its started on TVon Saturday night I switched the channel. I had no intention of watching what once was an interesting viewable programme getting more and more ridiculed.

It wasn't until Mon texted me, saying that the Serbian song was actually quite good and that I should at least switch the TV on to see how the voting goes that I somewhat reluctantly changed the channel. Thinking about it, it was my favourite part of the show so why the hell not, I asked myself? Ron didn't look too impressed, slightly confused as to why I'd boycott the songs themselves and just watch the voting - I didn't have a reasonable explenation.. lol

Halfway through the countries casting immorally 'friendly' votes to their neighbours it became obvious that Serbias entry led by Marija Serifovic was on a winning trail. Not only were they given the highest votes by the countries once a part of them but recently at war (Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, FYR Macedonia and Montenegro) but also managed to score high from such random countries as Austria, Georgia, Israel and Sweden.

How lucky(?) for me to be half Serbian, half Swedish and living in the UK. That in my eyes means 3 times more chance of victory. And I was glad to see that a Serbian truckdriver lesbian was crowned the Queen of this particular Eurovision. After being banned from participating for over 6 years due to the war in former Yugoslavia, Serbia has now hit back and reclaimed its throne with a great song in true Eurovision spirit.

Admittedly I didn't see any of the other entries, nor did I bother listening to them but if a song as beautiful as Molitva (Prayer) won this year then some of my faith in the show has been restored and I might give it another chance next year. Maybe even experience it firsthandedly from Belgrade myself? Now that would be something for the memoirs..

In the meantime, lets just hope that last years disaster was just a glitch in the system and that the future's brighter for the contest and the counties involved in it..


Friday, May 04, 2007 - back dated!


The second I woke up I could feel that the day was gonna go terribly wrong. Just a gut feeling in my stomach. Slight nausea and bad temper. Days like that its not even worth getting out of bed.

But what can you do when duty calls...?

At work, one thing started going wrong after another and before I knew it I was pulling my hair in all directions, praying to the ground to just open up and swallow me whole..

It wasn't til I got home that I found out that a full moon was lurking above us and suddenly everything started to make sense.

I don't know why it is but a full moon has got the strangest effect on me and makes me do the stupidest things. I don't know how many times I've ruined perfectly good days just cos I've been under the misty spell of the moon. It makes me think irrational thoughts. The kind that devours you and starts eating you from the inside for no apparent reason whatsoever. And let me tell you something, it aint no picknick in the park! Now if you're not prepared for the planetary allignments, that overwhelming state of confusion can be rather frightening. You wonder why all of a sudden you feel queezy at the thought of something ridiculous. You snap uncontrolably at people who are nice to you. You're walking around inside a raincloud and you can't make sense of the simplest circumstances. And it goes on for a couple of days. Its mad..

Now if you know there's a full moon on the horizon then it's a different story. You can prepare yourself for the madness to come and you'll knowingly dicard it as just a phase that will innevetably pass in a day or two. The only problem with me is I forget to keep track of it so each time it takes me by surprise causing havoc the very first day at least.

Now what I'd like to know is; Is there a cure for Moonstruck??


Monday, April 02, 2007 - back dated!

Midlife Chrisis!?

Grey hair. Slightly flabbering belly. Obsession with the gym. A young boy as company...
Am I heading towards a midlife crisis??

I know that older men who date younger women are in some aspects considered cool and successful, if you will. When it comes to older women dating younger guys it starts getting a bit trickier. The controversy starts to kick in and people start frowning upon the image of a young man with an older woman. What does he see in her? What could she offer him, they wonder.
But what happens then when an older gay man starts dating someone considerably younger than himself? Is it considered cool or is it frowned upon?
I guess the answers to those questions depend on the actual age concerned and of course if the Old was over 60 and the Young under 18 it would be considered as wrong no matter who was looking. But if there's a.. lets say 8-10 years age difference, what then?

The reason I'm asking this is because I had a conversation with someone close to me about this matter and she revealed that she's been with her 'younger' man for almost 2 years now and although the age difference between them is only 6 years she fears for their future. She thinks that because of his young age he's not able to see and share her vision of their future. It scares her half to death as she's so in love with the boy that she'd do anything in order to insure that there IS a future to think about.
Most days are great she says and carry on for what seems like forever. But then all of a sudden, when least expected his immaturity shines through, automatically opening up a flood wave of emotions and fears. Lets face it, she's just reached her 30's while the boy is still in his mid 20's and although the boy's mature for his age I doubt his mind is concentrated on what career he's gonna go for or what the names of their children will be..
She fears that unless she spends most of her time with him he might 'forget' about what they've got and stray. She fears that someone younger, more interesting will come along and start meddling 'cos after all in this day and age nobody really gives a flying fcuk if someone's single or taken anymore. It's like the survival of the fittest. If you're fit enough and you fit the mould then what's to say you shouldn't give your best shot at 'stealing' someone else's hot property?

People are ruthless and the respect that once came with the words 'married' and 'relationship' has been blurred to an unrecognisable blur.
Having had that conversation I started thinking differently. I started questioning the laws of physics and now I'm feeling slightly confused myself.
When I was young I was always attracted to guys my own age (although they never showed much interest in me) and older guys were the ones who always tried to chat me up. I'd take one look at them and dismiss their advances without even blinking. The steady search for a 'friend' or 'companion' that had something in common with me lasted a long time. All through my juvenile teenage years to be exact. It wasn't til after I finished school and moved to London that I realised I could actually learn something from someone older than myself.. But even that backfired. The older guys I'd go for didn't reciprocate my feelings and in most occasions it didn't last longer than one night.
I was naïve and gullible and suffered fools gladly for the little satisfaction I got.. I didn't know any better..
And now??
Well, now I find myself understanding even less of the laws I tried to abide by and instead I'm with a boy who recently turned 20.
At first I was terrified. I didn't even dare to consider that it would be more than a one night stand. I mean, the boy is 20 for fcuk sake. He's got his entire life ahead of him and there's a huge world out there and he's nowhere near experienced all the treasures it has to offer.
But then we saw eachother again. And again. And again..
And before I knew it we were seeing eachother most days and the nights I fell asleep without him I found that I missed him something incredible. Slowly he's been putting my mind at ease. It takes a while for me to let my guard down. I've dealt with some tough shit in the past and although I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of a doubt I find it hard to trust them – until that trust has been earned!

He's a good kid. Kind, generous, sexy. But most of all he gives the best cuddles in the world. The kind that leave you wanting more.. He's got a big heart and somehow I'd like to think that there's no way that this boy could hurt me. At least not intentionally..
But that's just my heart thinking.
My mind on the other hand is a bit more cautious. I'm doing my best not to get carried away in the niceness that surrounds me and take everything as it comes. Day by day. But for someone who thinks a lot it's not the easiest thing to do.

And sometimes I do get carried away.. I fantasize about the house we're gonna build that will put Bill Gates to shame. I dream about all the places we're gonna travel to. I imagine the adventures these trips will take us on. I sometimes picture a bright future where there are children involved. A few houses spread out across the world and no worries worth mentioning..
I know it's silly, but I'm a romantic at heart and I do believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I also want to believe in the possibility of a soul mate. Someone who knows everything there is to know about you and who doesn't judge you. Instead they do their best to understand you and to be a part of you. Someone who'll love you unconditionally and who won't betray you for some slapper that can't respect the fact he's already spoken for. Someone who's willing to share your dreams and build them with you, uninterested in asking when, why or how. Someone to wake you up with kisses on sunny Sunday mornings. Someone who's not afraid to tell you how it is. Who makes you face your own shit and sticks by you to pick up the pieces. Someone you can always rely on no matter how high the mountains are or how deep the water is. Someone who'll always put you first. But most of all someone who'll grow old with you and who's love for you grows more with each day that passes..

I believe in Soul Mates..

They do exist!